RV5 Halloween Special!

[Dozystoat]

So hey, whaddya know, I've actually been reading the story. Apologies for not commenting much (er, at all?) - but I was hit by a bit of inspiration tonight, and so here's my make up gift: Fanfiction! I'm far too lazy to join Celosia (or, Martin forbid, Lord Zheep) up in Birch's thread, though, so it's a fair bit different.

The idea hit me, see, when I was looking at Cricket's art and realised: My goodness, this is an ugly bunch of characters! I mean, with the exception of Keane and Venril, and possibly Bellona, they're horrid! Revel's pudgy and fat, Damask's feathers are faded and old, Deadtail's just a dumpy old hordebeast, Rath's scarred up the wazoo, as is Eliza, and Suellyn could give me nightmares. (I also just want to say that this makes all of you utterly awesome. Aren't we sick of the sauve pretty boy characters? XD)

With this in mind, my thoughts immediately turned to how they could top themselves in a halloween masquerade ball. My original idea was to have them in proper costumes, each one more terrifying than the last, until they all reveal at the same time and scare themselves silly with their real faces. But things kinda got away from me right from the beginning, so... Anyhow!

I hope you enjoy. ^^

~ ~ ~

All Hallow's Eve. The perfect night to dress up and scare the trousers off everybeast. Or at the very least, to scare the trousers of Venril. The other vermin couldn't remember where they had placed their trousers last.

Eliza Lacrimosa had sent out invitations. It was to be a wonderful masquerade ball at her manor, although frankly she wished all her guests dead. But it wasn't like anyone else was going to show up, and she had all this spiked punch to do away with, courtesy of Captain Matukhana. The fox captain was hiding out on his ship again, doing much of nothing, until everyone was too drunk to stand upright. That was just how he grooved.

Eliza herself had dressed up with a white mask covering her hideous scars, a laced-out formal suit, and a black cape. She had planned on coming as the Red Death, but her staircase wasn't long enough for the number of beats involved.

The door knocker sounded, and the marten bounded to open it.

"Revel! Darling, dearest ... how are the kits? And what happened to you, did you fall in a vat of jell-o?"

"This is my costume," the stoat said, holding her arms out. A green gelatinous cube encased her overwhelmingly spherical torso. "I'm a stoat."

"Of course you are," Eliza said, patting Revel's paw. "But what did you come dressed up as?"

"I'm a stoat!" Revel said again, frowning.

"What she means to say," said Damask, hopping in behind her, "is that she is dressed up as a stoat who is being devoured by a Gelatinous Blob."

The robin bowed and made as if to kiss Eliza's paw in greeting, but seeing as this would result in a pecked-paw, he simply kept it as a bow.

"And I have come as Bravely Bold Sir Robin."

"Who gets his head smashed in and his heart cut out and his liver removed and his - "

"Yes, yes! That one. Say no more!"

Eliza grinned. "Do come in, more guests are arriving. Hello, Mr. Whirlwind! And what, pray tell, are you?"

The ferret glanced down at himself. He had not read the invitation all the way through. He had come dressed in no more than his cape and his axe.

"Umm..." He racked his brains. "I'm a vampire's first victim."

"They took that long finding the jugular?"

"Yes. They were very new at it."

"I'll say. Is it honestly that hard to bite? Some of these gashes are inches long!"

"I know," the ferret said, wincing. "Look, can I just be shown to the buffet table?"

"It's over there. Just follow the sounds of revelry, aha, aha, aha."

"Aha," Rath said blandly. He eyed the stoat at the buffet for a moment before hunkering his shoulders and trudging towards it, with all the same grace of a soldier being told there's just no more room in the trenches to keep a pony.

More guests were arriving.

"Venril! How nice to see you."

"Really?" the stoat said, brightening up a little.

"I'm humouring you. You're a runty twerp and no one likes you."

"Oh."

"So what's this get-up of yours?"

"Well, I ... I was hoping ... Isn't it obvious?" He wrung his paws, then shifted the toupe on his head. It was a mullet.

"Not in the slightest," Eliza said.

Venril closed his eyes and stepped further into the front hall, so the light from the lamps hit his fur. Eliza shielded her eyes.

"Good 'gates, sir! What have you done to yourself? Those lights are totally harshing my brood vibe."

"It's glitter."

"I know, but why?"

"Everyone likes Cullen!" Venril sobbed, hiding his face in his paws. "I thought I would get mobbed by screaming fangirls!"

"And were you?"

"Ye-es. Er. The mobbed part. And the screaming."

"But no fangirls."

"They had farming tools."

"You poor thing. Get thee hence before I fetch my shovel."

As Venril skittered off into the main party chamber to assume the party escort submission position, (whereuopn Rath and Revel took turns sitting on his back and slapping the mullet on his head so that it twirled around for their amusement,) Bellona came to the open door.

"Miz Eliza," she said, curtsying.

"Miz Bell. And who might you be coming as tonight?"

The marten had to lean back as the dormouse thrust a tiara in her face.

"MOON. PRISM. POWER. MAKE. UUUUUUP!"

Eliza was too shocked at this turn of events to say anything else as the dormouse grinned hugely and flounced into the party. It took her a few minutes of leaning against the wall beside the hatrack before she answered the neck round of persistant knocking.

"Oh, Suellyn, what an amazing mask! I assume you're coming as the Death of Rats?"

"Hey," Deadtail pouted, from over Suellyn's shoulder.

Suellyn frowned. "I'm not wearing a mask."

You could have heard Revel's kit kicking in the sudden silence. Eliza burst into laughter.

"That was a joke."

"Haha," Suellyn said, vaguely annoyed.

Deadtail scoffed. "Fat chance."

"I'm Little Red Riding Hood," the hedgehog said, twirling around to show off her cape and hood. "I was on my way to my in-law's house, where I found a stoat on their bed, and I said, 'My, what a big stomach you have,' and she replied, 'All the better to digest you with, my dear.'"

Eliza stared.

"True story," Suellyn pressed. "Honest."

"I don't doubt you," Eliza said weakly. "Er, you may go ahead and enjoy yourself now..."

"I doubt it," Suellyn said, looking at the buffet table, where Revel now lay on her back, tipping a whole tray of Nanaimo bars into her maw. The hedgehog's expression was astonishingly olive as she tip-pawed into the room.

"And you, Mr. Deadtail, what have you come as?"

"The Death of Rats," he said, and waggled his scythe. "SQUEEK."

"You look as though you haven't dressed up at all," Eliza said critically.

"Yeah, I kind of put on a few pounds. You know, bulked up a bit. Got some meat on my bones."

"I see. You didn't just grab that scythe from a passing mob out of sheer chance and decide that you might as well attend my silly party after all, which until then you had decided was a pointless waste of your time?"

"Y - No," Deadtail said. He stared at Eliza until she gave in.

"Fine. Go on in. Keane! Darling kitty Keane - is that an M16 assault rifle?"

"With an M-203 40mm grenade launcher attachment," the wildcat beamed.

"Is it real?"

"Yes."

Eliza boggled. "May I... hold it?"

"No."

The marten tore her eyes away from the weapon and looked up at Keane's face. His eyes were sunken and bloodshot, his whiskers askew. His muzzle was covered in white powder. He wore a dark blue pinstripe suit.

"It's sugar," he said, offering a reassuring grin. Eliza shook her head. "Flour?" he suggested. She stared hard. "Okay, oaky, it's baking powder."

"Keane."

He hung his head. "Sorry."

He held up an empty Krispy Kreme box.

"I brought you doughnuts... but I eated them."

"Oh," Eliza said. "In that case, welcome to the party."

And then they partied. It was a blast, except six of them died.

~ ~ ~

And to Venril: I'm sorry you got the worst of it all. Please forgive me.

Spoilers! Who everyone came dressed as:
ELIZA - The Phantom of the Opera
REVEL - Stoat Being Eaten By Gelatinous Blob
DAMASK - Bravely Bold Sir Robin
RATH - First Time Vampire Victim
VENRIL - Edward Cullen
BELLONA - Sailor Moon
SUELLYN - Little Red Riding Hood
DEADTAIL - Death of Rats
KEANE - Tony (from Scarface)

[Damask the Minstrel]

Well... Keane's kind of ugly, too. All strung-out looking. Sampling your wares a bit, sir? ^.-

(And that's ten kind of awesome, let me tell you!)

[Sparrowhawk]

The marten had to lean back as the dormouse thrust a tiara in her face.

"MOON. PRISM. POWER. MAKE. UUUUUUP!"

i will never be the same again

[Sycamore]

It's supposed to be a brooch!!!

[Eliza Lacrimosa]

Dozy, this is awesome!

The best part was Keane being an LOLcat for a second...

[Revel]

I love it!  ;D And now I'm going to pester my mom to make nanaimo bars for lunch.

I especially like the Portal references. That's the first time I've ever seen the song used creatively.

"That was a joke."

"Haha," Suellyn said, vaguely annoyed.

Deadtail scoffed. "Fat chance."

Awesome, Dozy!

And poor Venril just wants to be loved! Aw come here Venny I'll love you!

[Opal]

This.

Just.

WIN. WIN WIN WIN.

Awesome.

And then they partied. It was a blast, except six of them died.

XD

[Jarrtail]

Ah, hilarious. Top notch, Dozy. Will you put up a Christmas or Thanksgiving sequel?

[Rath the Whirlwind]

Hmm... not sure how I'd feel about a Very Merry Redventure 5...

But THIS on the other paw, is just great.  Thanks, Dozy!

[Venril]

Haha...Venril as Edward Cullen.  Poor stoaty, so desperate to be liked...

[Jarrtail]

Edward...the Twilight guy? I've never read the book. *basks in his uncoolness*

[Opal]

I wouldn't even bother if I were you, Jarrtail. They're quite dreadful. :P

[Jarrtail]

 Heh, I could guess that by the dust jacket summaries. The plot sounds like it was written by some twelve year old Suethor/angsty teen. How it got published, I'll never imagine, but it soils all that is horror movie-esque about vampires.

[Sycamore]

Is it supposed to be horror, or a romance?

[Sparrowhawk]

It is supposed to be a HORRIFYING(ly sexy) romance. :o