D?j? vu

[Alan]

Alan sat bolt upright in bed.  For the first time in a very long time, he didn?t have a hangover.  That was bad.  He reached over the side of the bed, feeling for his pants.  They weren?t there.  That was bad too.  He distinctly remembered? no? no he didn?t.  Alan looked around the room.  For a moment, he stared at his reflection in the mirror, and his eyes flashed red.

Like a tidal wave, the memory of dark forest hit him.  It was difficult to resist the urge to hide under the covers.

?RADISH!?

?Yes captain?"  The little mouse poked his head in through the door.  ?You called??

?This might sound like a strange order, but I need you to verify that I?m not dead.?

Radish blinked at him, and then scanned the floor for empty bottles.  ?Captain, I realize that your drinking habits may not be??

?That?s just it.  I?m not drunk, I think, I should be.?  From the corner of his eye, the shadow of a fox passed across the window.

Radish walked over to the bed and hit him.  Alan?s return punch sent him tumbling across the floor.  With as much dignity as possible, Radish picked himself up and straightened his tunic.  

?Very much alive sir.?  He reached into his vest and pulled out a paper.  ?Letter for you sir.?

The mink blinked at the paper the mouse proffered.  It was tied with a faded blue ribbon.  

?Shall I put it with the others sir?? 

Alan snatched it.  ?This is the same letter you gave me last week!  What?s the idea??

The mouse huffed, the fur at the base of his tail standing straight out in indignation.  ?It is not!  It came this morning carried by your mother.  Who wants to see you, incidentally.?

?The blazes you say!  I just spoke to her a week ago; I sent her my wages, what more does she want??

Radish sniffed and shrugged.  ?Pardon me sir, but I have no idea of the incident you speak of.  As far as I know, it?s been a month since your mother paid a visit, and she spent all her time with your esteemed brother.?

?I tell you she was here a week ago!?

?Sir,? said Radish, ?you?re crushing the letter.?  He pointed at Alan?s fist.  

Alan looked down and relaxed his fist.  ?I??

There was the sound of pawsteps in the corridor outside and a scraping as the outer door of Alan?s chamber was opened.  

Alan stared wildly around the room.  ?I am not having another interview with that rat!?  he snarled, searching for an escape route.

Radish blinked at him.  ?Sir, are you feeling all right??

Alan threw an inkwell at him.  ?And you!  You?re supposed to be dead!?

Radish ducked expertly.  ?Er? yes sir.?

The door burst open.  Through it came the rat captain, Rousseau, and a white owl.  Hard on their heels were Tobias and Rexim, the latter trying in vain to look as if he?d come on his own.

Alan glared at them.  ?You knocked?? he spat dryly.  He had a bad feeling settling into the pit of his stomach.  He technically knew that the owl and the rat had been hanging around at Kotir for a week or so on some diplomatic chore or other.  Waste of time of course, the wolves had very clear ideas about who needed to be in charge of things.

Tobias cleared his throat. "Well, it seems that... ah... did you have?"

?Vulpuz has chosen us to be the instruments of his will!? the owl intoned in a booming voice.  ?We may find his choice of instruments confusing at times, but we mus??

?What the bloody hell are you talking about??  Alan stared at the owl. 

Rousseau hit Clutus on his shoulder.  "Shut up, featherbag," she snapped.  Then, turning her back to the glaring owl, she addressed Alan.  "Did ya have a... err, odd dream last evenin'?"

Alan rubbed his eyes.  ?What of it?  I was trying to forget.?

"That's the thing, Alan. All of us had the same dream." Tobias said.

?Impossible.?

Radish edged toward the door.  ?Well while you?re all having this important meeting, I?ll just fetch breakfast.?

Clutus snagged him before he could vanish.  ?Have Luka deliver it, and see to it he brings a little rabbit girl with him, as well as that Chuck Wulgar beast.?

Radish snorted.  ?Your wish is my command.? 

Alan looked at the rest of the beasts.  ?So, you?re trying to tell me that this wasn?t a dream.?

?Yes,? they chorused.  Or in Rousseau?s case, ?Aye.?

?And Vulpuz, the god of the underworld, wants us to go around killing some beast or other only he wouldn?t tell us his name because that wasn?t sporting.?

?Yes.?

?Prove it.?

Tobias crossed the room and pointed out the window.  ?I finished this fortress yesterday, correct??

?What of it??

?Look.?

Alan looked.  

Alan sat down.

Alan said, ??Gates.?

He looked around the room at the assembled creatures.  ?This means that??

?Yes.?

?But there were more of us.  Some good for nothing woodlanders were there too.?

?Radish is fetching them now.?

Alan chewed a claw, and then realized he was chewing on the letter still in his paw.  He stared at it.  Blue ribbon.  Blue ribbon and the god of the underworld.  Oh, and a week to kill some beast in.  Then they would all live, Kotir would survive, and? what?  Things would go back to normal.  His eyes narrowed.  

?So the lord Vulpuz has chosen us to undertake this mission.?

The door was pushed open and Luka limped in carrying a tray, followed by a rabbit and a beaver in chains.

?So it would appear,? Luka growled.  ?Now eat before it gets cold.?

Alan shook his head and snatched a bottle from the rabbit, who was staring fixedly at the floor.  He upended it, only to spew sticky liquid all over the room.

?What in blazes is this?? he demanded.

Luka sniffed.  ?Dandelion cordial, I thought it might be wise if we weren?t all drunken idiots.?

Alan threw the bottle across the room.  It smashed.  Bottles tend to do that.

Suddenly, everyone was talking at once.

?That was my very best??

?Now look here, we have a mission to??

?Stupid mink!  I knew we should have gone to??

The rabbit burst into tears.

Thwack!

Everyone turned to look at the beaver who raised his tail and slammed it back into the floor with such force that the walls shook.

?Quiet!? All eyes turned to the beaver. He whistled through his teeth and twitched his whiskers. ?I think we all know why we are here. We have been chosen to perform a task. Does anybeast have suggestions for how to go about this??

The room was dead silent.  Then Alan nodded.

?Yes,? he said shortly.  ?But if you think I?m going to be nice about it??

The beaver banged his tail again.  ?Captain, there is no time for animosity. We have a task to perform and it must be done quickly.?

The mink glared.  ?All right then.?  He looked around the room.  ?Any suggestions then for what we have to do??

Clutus spoke up.  ?I suggest we talk to your esteemed masters.  Lord Tirian might be able to shed some light on these matters, though he might find our tale rather far-fetched.  They would undoubtedly hold the word of Mossflower's greatest mind in more regard than?Ouch!?

Rousseau stepped off the owl's foot, and while he was hopping, she spoke. "I'd say we speak t' that wolf.  Ya know, the one with the snake thing around 'er neck.  Ain't it a seer or somethin'?"

Tobias nodded in agreement.  ?That?s not a bad idea.  She?ll know what happened when the wolves first came here, and she'll be more willing to believe this.?

The rabbit was still sniffling.  "Mr. Wulgar, we won't have to kill anybeast, right?" She looked up at the beaver.

Alan sneered.  ?I doubt anyone will be expecting you to, woodlander.?

She hiccupped.  ?I have a name!?   

?Most beasts do,? he snapped back.  ?All right then, we go to Zacari, but not all of us!?  He pointed at Chokk, Ralle, and Tobias.  ?You, come with me to see her.  We?ll need a couple woodlanders with us to convince her.  "You," he said, pointing at the rest, "I suggest you go explore Rexim?s secret tunnel, see if it leads to water anywhere. And if it does, who lives near there.?

Rexim turned a dark shade of purple under his fur.  ?How dare you speek of my secreet tunnel!  It ees not for theese? theese??  He flailed his arms wildly.  

?Oh shut up,? barked Alan.  ?This is hardly the time for secrets.?

?Eet?s steel my tunnel,?  Rexim muttered rebelliously.

Rousseau crossed her arms.  "Who died an' made you king if I may ask?

Alan picked up his sword.  ?No one yet, but I can arrange a death right now if that?s what you want.?

Rousseau?s sword was in her paws.  "I dare ya!"

Tobias got between them. ?That?s enough!?

Alan glared at him.  ?Don?t think just because we?ve gone back in time I don?t remember you challenging me.?

"I didn't think so, Captain, and I don't regret it, but think about this. We have a week to get a great many things done in order to prevent our deaths, so I suggest we get started. Possibly with you getting dressed."

Rallentando giggled and looked at the floor again.  "Sorry," she mumbled

Alan looked down and then rolling his eyes, put down his sword.  ?I?m still going to kill you Toby.?

Radish poked his head in.  ?Your mother?s waiting in??  

?Send her home!?  Alan?s tone brooked no argument.

?Very good sir.?  Radish paused.  ?Do you want me to take that letter sir??

Alan looked back down at the blue ribbon, and a wolfish grin crossed his face.  ?Not this time,? he said, and slipped it into his tunic pocket.  ?I think perhaps, if all this is real, I may make a deal with the devil.?

He pulled the tunic over his head, and then looked at the beasts in his room.  ?Well, what are we standing around for?  Let?s get to it!?