Reviews? Maybe?

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Poko - If A Tree falls In The Forest

I think Poko would be a little more enjoyable to dislike if you were less inside her head with the narration.  As it is, even though it's clear that you can see her perspective is unrealistic and skewed, just poking a little fun at it would help immensely.  She's so bratty sometimes that when the narration is bratty as well, it just gets to be too much. 

She also reads as younger than 14 to me, but I'm a horrible judge of average maturity for any given age group.  I see her as being 7 or 8, though.  It seems as though her somewhat dysfunctional upbringing has stunted her emotionally in various ways, and she is completely incapable of empathy (something that is generally starting to kick in by then.) 

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Goragula - Up Jumped The Devil

I feel like the placement of this post and Goragula's disappearance could have been handled better.  As it was, to me, he was there, and then he wasn't.  And now he's back!  And now we have recap.  Was there any reason you weren't able to give his perspective on these events when they first happened, or did you all plan to do it this way?  It just seemed like no one even noticed that he was gone, much, outside of the initial realization, so now that he has reappeared, there was a slight, "Oh, yeah, him" vibe. 

All of that aside, I love that his brief disappearance was productive and actually moved the plot along!  There are so many more elements to be explored now, and you did it all very elegantly. 

I continue to be impressed by you.  You have a character that I would not automatically assume to be in a position of control, due to both species and personality, but you have a way of running things without being the beast in charge. 

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Istvan - That Which Does Not Live Can Never Die

Moles. He had been played for a fool by moles. The landslide had not been a judgment of the Mother, but the action of a greedy bunch of tunnel-grubbers. Rather than restoring the balance of life, it had just made everything worse. The beasts in the convoy?s sacrifice was necessary, of course, but the moles had offset all the good of it. A landslide born of the Mother would have been a condemnation of the sins of the beasts in the convoy, but the revelation of its true cause cast that in to doubt. If this was not the will of the Mother, how could he be sure that their deaths were right? Had they really been undeserving? If death was truly so capricious, how could he really know that their death and his life represented the guiding paw of the All-Mother?

I'm a little baffled that he doesn't automatically assume that his goddess is capable of utilizing beasts other than himself to carry out her bidding, though I see he comes around to this later on.  Just seemed a tad odd to me that his faith would be shaken by something that I wouldn't think to be so earthshattering (haha?)

I'm also REALLY interested to find out what on earth kept him from learning how to swim.

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Vanessa - Fire And Ice*

Vanessa is growing on me.  If anything, I felt that this post could have been longer; there were some good moments for character building, but it might have been nice to see the story pushed a tad more.  I liked the "bonding" moment with Istvan, and her reactions seem very age appropriate. 



*Just a word of warning, I feel it is my duty to say that those things do NOT feel as good as they might sound, and in fact are more likely to lead to shrieks of pain and cries of "GET IT OFF" than, well, anything else.

[Poko]

She also reads as younger than 14 to me, but I'm a horrible judge of average maturity for any given age group.  I see her as being 7 or 8, though.  It seems as though her somewhat dysfunctional upbringing has stunted her emotionally in various ways, and she is completely incapable of empathy (something that is generally starting to kick in by then.)

So you're saying you think Poko acts like a first grader? Really? I don't think a 7 or 8-year-old would even be able to follow all of what Zevka says to her about fighting techniques let alone think so deeply about an older teenager being a manipulative evil genius.
The seven-year-olds I know are still playing with toys, Candyland, and hardly ever have real conversations with adults. 14-year olds, on the other hand, are thinking for themselves, yes, and starting to empathize. But if you're convinced someone's a bully or a jerk in the 7th grade, you might not be so quick to empathize with them, or treat them nicely.

I definitely try for "sassy" with Poko, and yeah, she's used to being an only child and getting away with stuff, but she's also trying to learn how to handle herself by herself without any friends or family to back her up. One of my main goals with my post "If a Tree Falls in the Forest" was to show WHY Poko seems to loathe Nyika. Hence her perspective. If you thought someone was using the recent death of someone really close to you to bolster a fraudulent "performance," you might not be so nice to them either.

Does that mean she's a brat?

In my 3rd post Poko does talk through what she's dealing with here. In doing so, she actually does start to empathize somewhat with Nyika, if only because Zevka makes a point to do so despite Nyika's behavior. Poko sees the nobility in this...martyr-like concern for even a cruel beast's well-being.

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I have a seven year old, so let me explain:

Poko thinks only in terms of herself.  When others do things she doesn't like, they do it SPECIFICALLY to spite her. 

"Okay," Zevka started off, "just to clarify – talking about it is really not the best way to learn to fight, but I don't see that there' s any other option at the moment and I'd like you to at least learn a few survival techniques. That said, the first rule of self-defense is: It's better to escape than to fight if you don't have to."

Poko frowned up at the marteness, "What? But that's what a coward would do!"

Zevka arched a brow, "It's what a survivor would do. If either of you are in a situation where somebeast is hunting you, it would serve you best to escape rather than try to take them on. Neither of you are very strong, and you probably wouldn't stand much of a chance against a beast that knows how to use a sword, even if you do learn how to hold it properly. There's no substitute for experience."

"But that's exactly why I asked you to teach me to fight!" Poko objected.

Much like a small child, Poko isn't able to grasp/understand Zevka's point here and instead keeps returning to what *she* wants - teach me to fight.  She is not arguing to gain a better understanding of why Zevka is saying crazy things, but is trying to get her way.

"Okay let's try it!" Poko shuffled through the snow to Nyika and seized hold of her wrist, grinning as she sunk her sharp claws into the cat's skin. Nyika yelped and tried to pull away.

I can see a seven year old doing this without question.  A fourteen year old would probably be slightly more aware of the risks and consequences involved.  Yeah, the whole point is for them to learn, but as Poko learns shortly, she herself doesn't like being charged without warning - but she expects Nyika to accept the behavior without question.

Nyika tried again to come forward and jerk her arm from the ferret when Poko relaxed her grip. The cat ended up bopping herself in the nose with her own paw and falling into the snow. Poko laughed loudly at the absurdity of it all, pointing at the distressed and snow-covered feline.

"Poko..." Zevka scolded tiredly.

"What – I didn't do anything! She hit herself!" The ferret shrugged innocently, then yelped in surprise as the wildcat plowed into her with a wicked hiss, piercing Poko's hide with her long, curved claws. The ferretmaid shrieked and sunk her teeth into one of the many bald patches along Nyika's arm in an instinctive attempt to free the hooks from her skin.

Abruptly, a paw seized her by the scruff and shook her until she let go.

"What isthe matter with you?" The pine marten released the ferret, who also ended up falling in the snow, though more out of surprise than momentum. "Don't you know how dangerous a bite can be? Bites are more apt to become infected than any other type of injury! There's a reason why all combat sports ban biting – "

"But she started it!" Poko could hardly believe Zevka could be so one-sided. It was as though Nyika's attack had not even happened – as if Poko had nipped her out of sheer spite.

"No – YOU started it!" Nyika's back arched as she stood by Zevka's side, claiming the pine marten's protection.

It was such a blatant lie that Poko could not help but lunge at her antagonist.

Seven year olds also have a startling tendency to deny all blame.  "I hit him because HE YELLED AT ME!  HE WAS BEING MEAN!!!"  And then can't understand when they are also punished.  As far as they are concerned, their motives, wants, and feelings trump any and all desires of anyone else.  In fact, many of them can't comprehend that other people actually feel anything (i.e, lack of empathy.) 

As far as I'm concerned, Poko doesn't think of Nyika as an evil genius; merely as someone who takes all of the attention away from herself.

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Nyika - Frozen Flame

All I can say is that it's about time everyone stopped going by false names. 

I'd appreciate a little actual interaction with the ghosts.  Not to the point where it eclipses her real life encounters, mind, but enough that I can see how much it impacts her world outside of setting her apart from the others.  Also, I want to know more about all of the scratches.  And I feel like it's been mentioned, but she doesn't eat meat, right?

Oh, and the last line was GENIUS. 

[Poko]

I see. Well, I won't beleaguer the point further. I know everyone reads and imagines voices and events differently, depending on their own experiences. However...

Seven year olds also have a startling tendency to deny all blame.

I would say this is something that is certainly not isolated to that age bracket! That is generally something most human beings struggle with. Even teenagers (Excuses, excuses!).

I will certainly keep in mind the maturity of my character from now on and not make her too overly childish (though I do think her being one of the smallest members of the group affects her behavior somewhat also).

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Seven year olds also have a startling tendency to deny all blame.

I would say this is something that is certainly not isolated to that age bracket! That is generally something most human beings struggle with. Even teenagers (Excuses, excuses!).

Agreed - but it seemed that Poko firmly believed this, as opposed to just claiming innocence to avoid trouble. 

I really didn't mean it as a negative thing, and I can certainly see how being an only child with somewhat dysfunctional parents would lead to her being a little less mature.  I have no doubt that she will continue to grow up quite a bit as the story progresses.

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Goragula - The Righteous And The Wicked

Love the interaction with Istvan.  It's still insane how much I would have related with Istvan at one point (except not, because we would be on completely different pages) but as far as I'm concerned, that just means his author did their research. 

I also commend you for setting up connections early on.  This helps immeasurably in keeping your place in a contest. 

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Risk - In My Time Of Dying

I did not see you going this early.  I'm truly surprised.  It's like Sootpaws all over again...

There were many great moments throughout.  The exchange with Nyika hit several good notes, humor, sadness, tying up loose ends.  It makes me sad that Risk and Gashy won't be hanging out anymore - their conversations were some of the most seasoned and amusing. 

Anyway.  It seems like there's always a gem of a writer that goes out too early, and I'm sorry it was you this time around. 

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Tara - Interlude

Well, you already know how I feel about you.  :P

It raised a few questions for me, which I thought was great.  Are there more survivors outside the main group?  Why don't the moles want them going *back* when they seem to want them gone so badly?  Does Pyracantha survive? 

[Nyika]

Nyika - Frozen Flame

All I can say is that it's about time everyone stopped going by false names. 

I'd appreciate a little actual interaction with the ghosts.  Not to the point where it eclipses her real life encounters, mind, but enough that I can see how much it impacts her world outside of setting her apart from the others.  Also, I want to know more about all of the scratches.  And I feel like it's been mentioned, but she doesn't eat meat, right?

Oh, and the last line was GENIUS.

I was pretty pleased with myself on that last line, haha. *grooms* =^.^=

I think you'll be very happy with my upcoming post when it comes to ghosts. As for the eating meat bit, she likes fish and critters "that don't talk back when you eat them," kekeke.

I'm so happy you're continuing to read and review! Thank you!

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Vanessa - Ho! Ho! To the Bottle I Go!

?I shee dead beashts.?

I've been waiting for this.

Scat, the look on Zevka?s face said rather clearly.

Yeeaaaah, so, I've seen this a couple times now, so I'm assuming it's catching on.  Which is fine, I mean, I can see why it makes a decent substitute.  It just, ah, makes me think a little too far. 

Overall, this post was both entertaining and gave us a little glimpse into everyone involved.  I have a better grasp on why Noonahootin would choose Istvan to be in charge (though I'm still more on Nessa's page there, I have to admit - I'm having some doubts about Noonahootin's judgement in general) and it was very nice to see Zevka, Nyika, and Nessa let their guards down for a bit. 

You have a tendency to go for more subtle plot movement (character development and "smaller", yet still significant events, such as tossing all the food supplies) but you've managed to hold your place so far.  I do tend to forget that Vanessa exists outside of your posts, though. 

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Noonahootin - Blue On Blue

Props for the title. 

I'm on the fence with you.  At first I felt like Noonahootin was simply too passive and conflicted to be a driving part of the story, but now I'm feeling like perhaps it's just his age and the difficult situation at hand getting to him.  But there again; he's old.  It seems to me that he should be more set in his ways than torn apart by conflicting opinions and ideas.  To me, he comes across as inexperienced, but I'm trying to keep in mind that all of his years of work haven't necessarily prepared him for this exact situation with these specific beasts. 

I think part of it may be that you spend a good part of your posts in thought, so sometimes it seems as though there is a disproportionate amount of action.  And Noonahootin struggles with himself so much that it can seem as though he is uncertain of what to do, or that he can't make up his mind. 

I am interested to see what happens with the white owl, so I'm happy you kept that part of the plot going.