First Impressions

[Crue Sarish]

Ha ha! The site tried to lose this post again, and yet I persisted.

THE BEAST WITH A SECRET

Black Jasmine - "You keeps nasty taters, Precious!"

How did they make me feel?
-Curious: Definitely odd, apparently no one can keep her mouth shut
-Intrigued: What was her relationship like with Chef Chuffy and the others?
-Oh dear.... Oh.... Oh!!
-Uncomfortable: That's... a lot of crazy.

Likes/dislikes:
-Jasmine's way of thinking about her... differences: "Hungry"
-subtle foreshadowing: tasting the stoat-shaped cookie first (ha, the "savory stoat"
-A disturbing scene, leaving me both deeply intrigued and deeply disturbed

-Not sure if she has a secret other than simply being completely cuckoo. I am vastly curious what her backstory is, though. What made her into that beast?

What they bring to the table:
-A baker of sorts: has enough training to at least make a few things
-A monster barely in control of her impulses: no clear idea what will set her off; will finish whatever she starts
-Unpredictability: will the beasts at the Crater figure out how to trigger her and release her like a wild tiger into the arena, or will she stand there like a bad investment?
-At least some measure of social skills: had some sort of relationship with Chef and the others there and has been able to function reasonably at least for a little while
-A swift character, relatively small and able to move with a measure of stealth before striking
-A very young beast; impressionable, will have to be steered gently


Thrayjen - "I can dig it."

How did they make me feel?
-Amused: a nice little bedtime story from a caring "unky"
-Warm: Nice, simple setting; descriptions used sparsely but effectively, not wasting words
-Mildly curious: What is the item that's buried in the backyard

Likes/dislikes:
-A simple, contained scene
-Dialogue flowed smoothly
-Cute interaction with the dibbuns

-Not much hinting at his secret other than a thing "no bigger than a broom handle" buried in the ground. Feels like we'll get more of a regular backstory from Thrayjen than the unveiling of a grand secret. We also see little of his response to her knowing even a piece of his secret. His eyes move, but what is he feeling? He's obviously a little concerned, but I would imagine a stronger response unless he'd been there for some time and felt secure.

What they bring to the table:
-A beast who's faced a measure of hardship (arrived at Nan's cold, wet, and alone; face scarred)
-Genuinely caring
-Sociable, will likely draw rather close to allies out of necessity
-A somewhat easygoing character, likely when things aren't falling apart around him; hard to know for sure
-Rather straightforward: didn't try to sugarcoat the topics of slaves and pirates; expressed his gratitude simply instead of waxing eloquent or acting dramatic
-Possible motivations to stay alive: may feel protective of the hedgehogs and want to return to them; may not have had the chance to dig up whatever that was "behind the old stone fence" and will need to go back for it


Nokki Avaartin - "Marten the Warrior"

How did they make me feel?
-Curious: Did he usually turn heads with his arrival? What is he hiding from this time?
-Amused: Fidgety; moving around a lot for someone not trying to attract attention
-Curious: Why is he running back to his old life? Is he trying to avoid his wife (and family) and beasts who might report back to her?

Likes/dislikes:
-A character "trying to get back into the game." A little different from a character who's running from their past and/or trying to change.
-The backstory hints from Ragschild, not overdone: accolades, nicknames, brief info about Nokki's family

-Very few hints as to what his "secret" is. Seems more likely that he has a colorful past than a juicy secret
-The last line threw me off. Why would he be lost?

What they bring to the table:
-Fidgety: had a hard time just sitting still at the bar, possibly from nervousness, but he strikes me as the kind of character that is always thinking of bits and pieces and having trouble keeping his claws still
-Has been living the "honest" life long enough to have essentially run out of money, thus needing to find work
-Still has a family at home; will impact his thoughts and actions whether he's fighting for them or fighting to get away from them
-Apparently a fair amount of experience in fighting and/or battle. Not sure what his expertise(s) is, but he has done enough to at least make a name for himself
-Older than most of the contestants, but not elderly by any means; experiences to share, possibly full of advice/wisdom when it comes to the arena
-Not enough information to really know how social or cooperative he would be, or if he would be a leader-type if the need arose

[Crue Sarish]

And the die has been cast. Thank you so much everyone for your absolutely fantastic submissions! I really did thoroughly enjoy each and everyone and I love seeing what so many people have brought to the table.

Hopefully everyone can sleep well tonight. A hearty best of luck to the 10 who make it in, and for those who do not, I congratulate you on your hard work nonetheless and I look forward to seeing you stick around. If you are able, please offer your thoughts and feelings on the story, as I know I really did appreciate seeing honest opinions of not only the story, but on ways I (and everyone else) can improve our storytelling. And the more people that vote, the more exciting each round becomes :)

See you on the other side!

[Crue Sarish]

Wow, I think only three of the beasts I voted for made it in!

In case anyone was curious, my votes went as follows:
Black Jasmine, Diamond, Lacey, Jasper, Sly, Tope, Minerva, Kali, Strathcomb, and Azalea.

[Crue Sarish]

So looking forward to reading the story that's coming out piece by piece! Figured I'd continue to throw out some first impressions.

"Letters from a Thief" - Adeen Pinebarrow

In the last episode: A desperate beast, driven by revenge for all she's lost, loses it and not only kills the object of her anger, but also her husband.

Adeen is a very broken beast, as I'm sure all of our cast is in some form or another, but she's dealing not only with what will inevitably come, but with the crushing weight of guilt over what she's done, despair over the loss of her children - made worse by the walk through town - and a cocktail of confusion, rage, and betrayal after her father-in-law is the one to force her into a life of slavery. She is weak after being imprisoned for [LENGTH OF TIME]

I like the concept that she is being sold for her story. It makes logical sense, but I can't imagine Nire would have paid a whole lot for what should be a one-act fight where Adeen fights valiantly but is slain as punishment for her crimes, or something along those lines.

I loved the attention to small details, obviously things that are relevant and important to Adeen herself. The carving and lacquer on their old home, the intricate stitching on her clothing, etc. It not only reminds us of the fact that she once had a happy life where beauty was a welcome part of the world around her, but sets up the shift that is taking place quite well. Where she is going, beauty has no part, family has no place, and every hour may be her last. She knows that others are going to try and kill her. I empathized with her plight and you handled her trying to deal with everything smoothly.

Leaving her with a riddle of sorts seemed a little awkward. Sure, it's something for her to ponder on the trek to the Crater, but it felt a little out of place. She should help other beasts, and while it may not seem like one beast can make a big difference, it's better to try than to let evil and hardship go on unchallenged. That's what I gleaned, but the analogy seems just a little awkward. Could just be me, but I'd personally like to see her consider to mull those words over at least a little in the next chapter.

It seems like Adeen's story could very easily continue along with a revenge theme.  Knowing full well that her opportunities were limited by her circumstances, I'm glad she was still shown "thieving" a little, but I hope to be able to see more of her skills in her next chapters. As the risks go up, so do the potential rewards.

[Crue Sarish]

"Play, Minstrel, Play" - Komi Banton

In the last episode: Trying simply to get by and keep her head down, Komi is recognized by a fellow soldier who knows her story. In an effort to keep her past from catching up too quickly, she kills the few beasts who threaten to expose her for her former "cowardice."

Yeah! Another song! The meter was well adhered to, making the verses flow smoothly. It's good to see that her songs are a form of self-comfort, and I wonder how often she composes them. Reading further, this sounds like it was a cadence from her days as a soldier.

She is a beast with old-fashioned bad luck and somehow seems to run into the few beast she's determined to avoid. The following paragraphs formed a clear visualization of the action, and the author paid attention to certain details like what her pack was doing, what she heard and felt

Komi is far from out of practice. Life as a minstrel, however long that's been going on, has not dulled her reflexes nor her endurance. Also, I don't get the sense that she's panicked as she's running, but simply more determined not to be captured, reflexive of her life as both a soldier and officer trained to keep a cool head. However, she has been an entertainer long enough to become attached to her instruments, possibly thinking of them as more than just the method that she makes a living, but as extensions of herself.

An interesting interaction with the mouse couple. It's a common "vermin = bad, woodlander = good" confrontation, but it's done well. Komi has no choice in whether or not she will be helped by those she obviously detests, but Ulrich does have a choice.

This chapter is very focused on the action that is taking place. Little is stated directly what the characters are feeling or thinking, but their actions and decisions make it easy for the audience to guess what is going on in their heads. The build-up to the rivalry between Komi and Jossia was kept brief, but effective in showing the scope.

Well done in introducing Aldridge. Somehow, even in this random location where she's managed to escape to, there's someone who still knows her face. For once, it's not someone trying to put a knife in her back. I'm very curious to see what additional history they have. Komi definitely feels like she was wronged by him, but seasons have helped her put aside at least some of the pain of those memories... until the end. It was inevitable that she would be caught, and I'm curious is Jossia will make her way up to the Crater at some point, or if she'll be satisfied that Nire will see to Komi's future.

A few capitalization issues that somehow made it through. Might look at those a bit more carefully next time.

[Crue Sarish]

(For some reason, this site is running REALLY slow today... Taking several minutes just to open a new reply.)

"Madder Barrow" - Aldridge Moor

In the last episode: Finally having found a place to call his own among the woodlanders, Aldridge is able to put his past behind him and be a productive member of society.

Yeah! Glad to see the story pick up right where it left off. Good, too, to see a description of the village that Komi overlooked while she was more or less focusing on staying conscious and not letting those filthy mice kill or enslave her.

I see Aldridge continues his pattern of looking back into the past at regular intervals, with short but detailed flashbacks. I guess if any beast would inspire one, it would be Jossia.

Still some odd phrasing, though that could just be me and my brain. He spoke. "Apprentice Bowyer Aera should be back from my house by now. Have her distribute a full quiver to each beast who's stationing up high. Other than that, Ulrich?s word is true.? I thought Aera was a healer. Is she also "Apprentice Bower" or is this her daughter? Also, what is meant by "Ulrich's word is true?" Is it just another way of saying "Ulrich knows what's going on. Do what he says."?

I like the fact that this village is one with a history. It's not just all happy-fun-time where all the goodbeasts live together in harmony. They each have their pasts, their ghosts, and their sins. They've managed to come together, to put their past behind them, but what was buried doesn't always stay dead. Unfortunately, the preparations they'd made to fight back was not enough.

Fortunately the Blue-Shirts were "merciful" enough to only take those who scored a kill. I wonder what happened to the rest of Madder Barrow. Nothing good, I imagine. In what will most undoubtedly be both a blessing and a curse, Aldridge now has friends following him into the maw of the Crater. No doubt Aldridge will have to make some life and death decisions revolving around them.

(It's interesting that Adeen has some freedom of movement. Has she been on this trek north long enough to have shown her captors she would not escape? Has she accepted her fate and is now trying to follow the words of the kind hare?)

I'm naturally curious to know the history between Aldridge and Adeen. He obviously has some fondness for her, and while she has a mostly positive reaction to seeing him, she experienced something painful. What makes his memories and reaction so different from hers?

I applaud your use of language, varied and lush. You also showed your/Aldridge's knowledge through that language, as well as bringing in details that someone like an archer/soldier might notice regarding their current state. I wonder just how good he is at reading people, as this is only a sample of his assumptions during a very short amount of time.

[Matra Hammer]

Your perspective is refreshing and interesting. Especially the short pitch about where we last saw the character. This is especially important for readers and writers alike, because taking a contest entry on its face is a discredit to the whole story. Well done.

I asked Tooley as well, but your reviews are very on point and a pinch reflective. What are you looking for in terms of voting? What would you like to see from the characters and story overall?

Also, I believe Aldridge's author refers to many of the villagers by last name, so the confusion between Healer Aera and her daughter, the apprentice bowyer, is understandable.

[Crue Sarish]

Your perspective is refreshing and interesting. Especially the short pitch about where we last saw the character.

Part of this was out of necessity. I had quite the time trying to keep all 30 applicants straight, so a brief reminder was necessary for myself. :)

I asked Tooley as well, but your reviews are very on point and a pinch reflective. What are you looking for in terms of voting? What would you like to see from the characters and story overall?

I am fairly easy to please, and I tend to find enjoyment in most of what I read or watch, and without being part of the cast this time around, I feel the decision will actually be more difficult. Instead of spending weeks discussing the details behind each chapter, I'll likely only get one read-through, so I'll have to rely on my own memory and the occasional flipping back and forth between chapters to remember details.

With that said, I'm looking for something memorable. I'm looking for an emotional connection to the characters and the story and the setting, things that bring the world to life, that cause me to briefly forget my own world. And it's not always flashy spectacles, verbose language, and murderous rampages that catch my attention. I'm looking for those phrases that make you read them a second time because you liked them so much the first time... those subtle character glances that make me move my own face in mimicry... those clever solutions to life's problems, both large and small.

This isn't an original idea, but I would caution the authors to take a close look at each others' work and especially look for bits and pieces that draw you out of the story. Strange turns of phrase, sudden shifts in how characters address or treat each other (without apparent motive), rushed scene/scenery changes, and awkward stories or riddles that could make the reader say, "Wait, what?" Also, if you have a "token cast member" in your chapter, do you best not to make it feel forced. I did it, and I wasn't satisfied with my own writing those times.

I don't know exactly how I'll choose who to vote for at the end of the week. At the beginning of the story, all of the characters have such potential to further the story. I imagine those who are able to make me laugh, cry, or make angry faces at my computer will likely have a better shot in my book.

Will add more if I think of it.

[Crue Sarish]

The Monster of Mossflower Woods - Minerva

In the last episode: Minerva, single mother of one, tortures and kills a band of spies/thieves/poor unfortunate souls who were on her property before tenderly soothing the nighttime fears of young Fable.

Nice, bloody opening. An interesting choice to have the opening from an NPC's point of view instead of Minerva's to start. Was this solely to set up Minerva's title? From the application, it seems like Minerva lived a fairly solitary life, so either her murder of the invaders in her app or subsequent ruthless acts somehow made her name known all the way in the Northlands. Did word travel fast or was she truly that bloodthirsty? ... *Ah, if Adeen was telling stories of the Monster, it has been going on for some time.

It seems like the whole opening is for Nix's benefit, establishing a tiny bit of her history and personality.... However, I suppose it's better to establish that it's Nix's gang out there instead of a not-surprising "twist" of Minerva being captured by the same beast who's already captured three other cast members.

I love that opening paragraph with Fable. Lovely description and it points the audience in the same direction as the character very smoothly. I enjoy seeing the genuine mutual affection between mother and daughter, and the subtle hint that not all is right in Minerva's world.

Spelling mistake. Extra space between paragraphs. Extra space between sentences.

"Besides, this is your end of the trade." - Minerva seems as confused as I was. I know Nix is going to trade her to Nire,  but this implies that Nix is going to give Minerva something in return.

We've got...

I know it's idiomatic and people use this all the time, but this phrase is a personal pet peeve of mine. I won't dock  points for its use and I probably won't mention it again if I see it, but my eyes are drawn to that phrase like a fly to garbage.

I'm surprised that after Minerva is captured, it's almost like the dart didn't have any further effect on her. It made her daughter sleep, but there seems to have been a miraculous recovery as she's marched away.

Interesting that Minerva may have been the source of some of her own daughter's fears after seeing one of the bodies strung up in the woods. Her first hours with the slavers also firmly establishes her anti-vermin stance, and I'm curious where that's going to lead her. I'm actually slightly surprised that the exchange of glances between Minerva and who I assume was Komi was not as death-glare-y as I imagined it could be.

I like that we were told one of the tales of the Monster. Not just a nebulous set of rumors, but a story that was actually told. However, in further conversation, Adeen is telling us a fair amount of information that we already know from both other chapters and the prologue. Could have been shortened.

Excellent transition from the prologue into the Crater! I thoroughly enjoyed the display of Minerva's ferocity, Nire's cruelty and cunning, and the hopeless position that the otter and the rest of our cast have found themselves in.


All in all, it was long (almost 7500 words) but enjoyable. Wish I hadn't gotten behind in reading these.

[Crue Sarish]

"The Second Heartbeat" - Kentrith Hapley

In the last episode - A young healer has, in some ways, grown up working in the Crater, seeing all the things Nire has done and has caused to happen in that terrible place. Does he consider his work as a sawbones, or was his path steered into the arena?

The years have not been all that kind if he's arguing with a bird as he steels himself to simply knock on a door.

(Sorry.... *giggles* Bothan... /nerd)

An unfortunate amount of spag issues. Not sure how much time other contestants might have had to look it over, but it could have used another run-through to check for simple errors.

Perhaps a bit too much detail put into the simple making of tea. Use of "years" instead of "seasons." How did Bothan see the scars on Kentrith if he was unable to see who it was knocking on his door? It had been twelve years, but it seems likely that one would recognize their own flesh and blood. It's not like the last time he saw his brother was during childhood.

I do find it interesting that Kentrith basically comes from a family of healers to some degree or another. All the brothers have some skill, as did their mother and possibly father. There's definitely a bond between the brothers, and a great deal of loyalty and care that Bothan has for Kentrith. He's doing everything he can to ensure that the younger fox survives whatever it is to come. While most of that scene felt a touch stale, the way it ended was excellent.

Ah, so Kentrith had been not only fighting, but making a name for himself in the Arena. Was he then simply allowed to step away for a short time because of his good ratings, or was he a free beast who's choosing to go back to the Crater for some reason? Ah, seems like the latter.  That intrigues me! I also like that Kentrith is willing to throw his weight around when needed. His patience has limits, but he also seems to be in control of his anger. He showed the guardbeasts that he was not someone to be messed with, but he didn't throttle them like someone else might have.

So he's been out for four years. One can only wonder what he's been doing during that time... Oh, "It had been at least five years since he had fought anyone." Hmm...

I liked seeing the internal conflict that Kentrith felt in the ring. You could almost see the decisions he knew he would have to make. He may have once been a healer, but his knowledge and experiences had been put to less beneficent use. He feels like a murderer, a monster, but will he let himself dive into the role or will he fight to retain his soul?

[Crue Sarish]

(Forgive me if I accidentally call Kali "Komi." Tried to make sure I didn't, but my fingers sometimes speak before my brain does.)

"Redwall Rhapsody" - Kali.... I mean, the AMAAAAAAAZING KALI!

In the last episode: Our intrepid young performer talks herself into a job and promptly screeches her way out of it. Not one to be deterred, she looks forward to a bright future full of fame and fortune!


Love the title.

Kali ramps herself up in the morning with a face-to-face peptalk. She strikes me as an optimist, but out of a generally good-natured demeanor or out of necessity remains to be seen. Is she convincing herself of what she wants to hear or is she confirming what she already believes to be true?

From Kentrith we received a very personal view of Northvale, with places attached to memory. With Kali, we get a bat's-eye view of the landscape and a feel for the somewhat practical, if oddly designed, city.

While the first description of her clothing seemed slightly long-winded, the detail about her belting up her tunic for modesty's sake was amusing.

Kali's optimism and naivety is charming and her joy is infectious. Great job using her conversation with Inkpaw to sum up where she's been and what she's been up to, but also telling us what her plans are. Also, out of all the metaphors that have been used in the chapters so far, the advice that Inkpaw gives to Kali is the most straightforward and understandable, while still giving the bat something to think about.

Kali played as she went through Northvale as a form of self-comfort, similar to what Komi does. The fact that Kali isn't a "goodbeast" could make for an easier camaraderie between the two.

Realizing what the bat was about to do MacRaff quickly asked...

Nire made no motion to correct the fox for his insult and the beasts at the table wanted to see how this played out.

This phrase shifted the focus of the narrator just enough to pull me out of the flow. For the most part the point of view feels focused fairly closely on Kali, and to slip into the mind of another character was a touch jarring. And as with everyone so far, there were a few obvious spag issues, mainly verb tense switches, that could have been touched up.

Aw... Kali made an enemy! Good for her :)  The transition between her triumphant audition to her painful memories was done as well. No flowery flashback, but rather the hurtful phrase that was likely well meaning but which cut deeper than the speaker could have imagined.

And a cliffhanger!!!! Is it her new rival come to wreak his revenge? Is it a rat with a deep-seeded hatred of the wings that beasts such as Kali were blessed with? Who could it be?! Stay tuned!


So, just to be frank, I thought this chapter was.... wait for it.... amazing! I laughed audibly 3... 4... 5 times, grinned at the clever wordplay, and just kind of want to be Kali's friend. A silly beast indeed, but it feels like Kali has a place in this world, even it will somehow come crashing down all around her.

[Crue Sarish]

"The Best-laid Plans" - Silas Hetherton

In the last episode: Our downtrodden rat returns to the city he once called home before losing everything and being thrown in debtor's prison. To his surprise and rage, he discovers that it wasn't forces of nature that ruined him and killed his family, but the greedy machinations of a beaver who then took the money and ran.

*looks back at app* I recognize that beaver!

Aw, that's a beautiful lullaby! Nice work on the meter and ease of reading.

I can't help but see Blasio as a representation of corruption present in society toady, part character and part moral lesson, and I wouldn't be surprised to see some sort of ponzi scheme in the works. Not necessarily a bad thing, but this villain has bit more of a "real life" feel than the nefarious ne'er do wells. And Silas has become our Maximus Decimus Meridius (that came out 17 years ago?!), only not a soldier. *switches soundtrack*

A third description of Northvale, this time told from a brooding rat's perspective. Makes sense he would notice the smoke that hung in the air, the grime on the walls, the cacophony of voices on the streets. Nice work showing us what Silas was doing while he listened for word of the bloated beaver. It wasn't just "he did this, and then he did that, and then he heard some things," but we get a feel for his plans, his thoughts and reactions, etc. It also make sense that he would take note of the vile corruption that permeated (at least part of) the city.

Ooo! Silas ain't been dropping no eaves, but he has been getting a feel for the layout of the Crater, studying it for over three weeks. He ninjas his way in there, and even though I can easily guess what's going to happen (from the end of the last chapter), it's still a bit of a heartbreaking scene when his well-laid plans fall to pieces because the wrong shadow stood in the doorway. :(

----------------------------

A note on all the chapters I've read so far: the cast is doing a great job of bringing in secondary characters from the apps. It's fun reading a name or description and thinking, "That sounds familiar."  Also, have we come across a law-abiding hedgehog yet? Seems Robert Rosequill be hording all the goodness of hedge-kind within 'es own kin.

[Minerva]

Hey, Crue. Thanks so much for these reviews. As I said in Tooley's thread, it means a lot to have some people taking the time to give us their thoughts and I'm certainly happy you seem to be enjoying our story so far.

"Besides, this is your end of the trade." - Minerva seems as confused as I was. I know Nix is going to trade her to Nire,  but this implies that Nix is going to give Minerva something in return.

Just to clarify, the trade was that Nix gives Fable back to her.

[Crue Sarish]

"All We Have Left" - Kentigern MacRaff

In the last episode: Hightland hare had a hankering for hopping off toward harrowing hell.... I mean, against his wife's better judgement, Kentigern hightails it away from hope to battle against the villainous "vermin horde," leaving behind his daughter and possibly his last dose of sanity.

A joyful (Scottish) reunion between old war buddies, and we get a glimpse of Kent's nostalgia, his musings reminding me of a mid-life crisis: "Wish I could go back to the way things once were... family life isn't what I expected." He has his own plans for his daughter, and I wonder if his visions of the future are seeing less viable and more unpredictable.

I appreciate the accent is still readable. It's enough to give him his own flair, without really crossing the line into being distracting.

We see from the app and this post that he has a decidedly stubborn streak, but he's also a beast who can grow and change. His break from Alastair was decisive, but instead of wishing ill up on the deceased, he's remorseful that he didn't try to mend relations in some form. In his interaction with Thrayjen, will we see him form bonds with the primarily vermin cast our of necessity, or will he be able to look past his deeply-rooted prejudice?

There were a number of small tangents that popped up in this chapter. Dunwillie shows up and Kent goes through a bit of nostalgia. They toast Alastair and he ruminates on how he wishes things could have been different. While I can see they were setting up future information, a few of those drew away just a little from the action at hand. It became less of an issue as the chapter progressed, and you did a good job of showing us more of Kent's personality through his interactions with Nire and Thrayjen.

It didn't take, well, any convincing at all to get Kent to sign his name on the dotted line and head toward the Crater. Only a passing thought was made regarding his family. Instead, Kent's story has turned into rescue mission... which later turns into save everyone! How is this going to play out? That makes me wonder, what made him to up north in the first place? Did Dunwillie send him a letter or something or was Kent simply travelling at the right time?

You know, I was going to say that Nire didn't feel as cunning in this chapter than he has in others, but that's not true. He enjoyed the story of a Highlander goodbeast among the ranks of his gladiators. Perhaps he'd been sitting on a story for a while and was waiting for someone like Kent to show up to fill the role. The hare is also fit and has fighting experience, which may make for a better show than one that was injured during its imprisonment. Nire worked a little differently and remained the consummate showman, but simply stating "I'll lock you up!" as a threat seemed just a little uninteresting for the showman.

I'm still not seeing any hints of potential madness in Kentigern aside from some subtle speculation over particular small actions. I know characters don't have to be the consummate portrayal of their category, but I still don't know why he may or may not be crazy.

I do like the fact that Kentigern is a beast of passion. Rash decisions can easily result in drama and chaos and conflict. His impulsiveness is a good contrast to some of the other more contemplative and/or brooding types characters and I hope the author uses this to their advantage.

[Crue Sarish]

"Chin Up" - Thrayjen

In the last episode: Our kind-hearted rat with skeletons in his closet (or something buried under a fence post) shows his gratitude for the generosity shown to him by lovingly caring for an old hedgehog and her two young charges. Like Komi, he's ready to give up on his past, but his past may not be ready to give up on him.

Oh no! What happened to Nan and the kids?! I think they're the only good hedgehogs that have been focused on so far in this story. I know there's been at least two bad ones, Janson and somebeast else.

I like the fact that Nire didn't understand his name and didn't bother to learn it once he came up with one better (as I did in Kentigern's chapter). He has such a nonchalant attitude toward his property, fully expecting the world to conform to his point of view. All the while, as Thryajen begins his stay he still has a calm demeanor about him. He doesn't let Nire's casual dismissal of his identity phase him for long, nor does the slave master's goading cause him to bite back. The rat is downright polite!

I appreciate the attention to detail. The categorization of collars. The roses that were more than just pretty flowers. The new slaves with their trouble adjusting (tugging at their collars).

I wasn't terribly sold on Thrayjen with the applications, but I'm glad to have come around. Thrayjen is a contrast to the others in that he is reformed, that he's not a broken beast, though it remains to be seen what the Crater does to him. His dedication to honoring his role model is touching. His contrast to Kentrith (who accept his role as a killer) could play out in interest ways as well.

Watch those extra apostrophes. Noticed a couple of them.

Ugh! His family!!