First Impressions

[Crue Sarish]

Good gravy, I need to get my rear in gear! To the readings!

"The Stupid Situation I'm In" - Sly Speakeasy

In the last episode: Our friendly neighborhood vole inches one foot closer to his mouth and another foot out of danger when confronted by a couple of armed guards looking for a thief that sounds astonishingly like Sly.

The opening "conversation" feels a little off, like a cadence with an extra beat. I'm trying to read this conversationally, and it sounds like there should be a pause in between most of the sentences. I can picture the image as a small scene, but on paper it's a touch odd. Granted, I'm not accustomed to the way Sly speaks, so it could be me prematurely judging. I could guess that he wasn't actually talking with another beast, so that might explain a bit of the awkwardness.

A short ways in, my amusement was piqued. Once Sly stops talking to the boar, his snark shows up and it's game on!

A few odd turns of phrase:

"Though it was nearby, located directly in the Crater for the onlookers to drown themselves while beasts were killed, the vole would take the service tunnels and backways to get there. Very few beasts took the paths he would use, mostly other indentured servants such as himself." - I know you didn't actually mean "drown themselves," but the variation on the metaphor threw me off a little. There's also no need to use the conditional "would."

"The vole never wanted to be captured while sober." - Could omit "while."

"the grinning little alcoholic"

While Sly can get away with some elaboration and spicy word choice in his dialogue, the narrator has to be more choosy in their narrator. While readers may choose to read these chapters out loud, you don't have the same luxury that a (voice) actor had with inflection and pacing.

"Blasio, a businessbeast who owns so much Sly probably owes him coin..." Watch those tense changes.


I enjoyed the fact that the narrator brought out some of Sly's passing thoughts and observations, adding to the playful nature of the scene. "...laughed a mink wearing a ridiculous hat." "snarled Dumb Hat." This is very much in keeping with Sly's charm that he showed in his application.

Sly has chutzpah, I'll give him that! It's one thing to try and con Blasio out of a drink, but he turns pretty fierce when he's openly mocked. These witty retorts are what I love to see this teeny vole dish out. I also liked Kentigern's somewhat misplaced honor consoling the would-be drunk. The hare kind of shows up out of nowhere, especially in a place that is frequented by vermin (though I'm not sure how many options he has), but it didn't feel out of character.

And nice work giving Sly the means to potentially get a leg-up and get a small bit of revenge for the humiliation he just faced.

All in all, the narration could have used touching up, but the story was solid and the dialogue was quite enjoyable. Looking forward to the next one.

[Thrayjen]

Thank-you for the reviews, Crue! I'm very grateful that you're willing to not only sacrifice your time reading our tale, but to provide us with your constructive criticism and opinions!

I'm glad you saw the symbolism in my 'Chin Up' post. I was worried that some small details, such as the roses, would be regarded as fluff, but the first post is a great opportunity for world building and the little details count for so much right now. Thanks for your appreciation.

I look forward to more reviews, and hope to impress you in the future!  :gashrock:

[Crue Sarish]

Treading Paper - Adeen Pinebarrow

In the last episode:  Along with a stint in the local jail, Adeen finds herself questioned again to establish her guilt. Upon confessing to the accidental murder of her husband, she's surprised to find his father listened to her confession. Angry at the volemaid, he sells her to a slaver collecting souls for the Crater.

I thoroughly enjoy the lyrical quality that the narration takes on. Descriptions draw the eye from one detail to the next without resting for too long on frivolous details.

Now, the bit about the "added notes" in her journal are superbly intriguing! Was the pawwriting her own or did it belong to someone else?

The flashback/dream(?) with Fenton was touching and did provide a touch more information regarding Adeen's experience as a fledgling thief, but I don't see it as necessary in furthering this part of the story. It was a decent transition, and as much as I enjoyed the tender exchange, it didn't tell us a whole lot more. It was almost a display of "Remember, Adeen's the thief."

"My thanks." The stoat's eyes opened and Adeen recoiled in surprise. "Not so scared of joining me this time, are you."

Just FYI, I had to go back and read the first exchange between Adeen and Aldridge to really get that last sentence. If this whole story was one large book, it wouldn't be an issue, but with a time-gap between posts, I had the opportunity to forget that little detail. Could be just my memory, though. Not sure if that's something to change your writing over unless other people comment on a similar thing.

The mistrust that Adeen has for Aldridge seems just a touch forced without more reasoning.  There was one line that basically stated "he's acting like I did," but didn't take the thought further. Did something else happen on the way or does Adeen merely afraid that he may try to manipulate her in some way?

I'm happy to see the two mothers working together. It's an easy bond between the two of them, as their recent histories are similar in some respects. I'm curious to see how they'll continue and manifest themselves as time progresses.

?I knew of a vole maid who hounded brot...elders for writing lessons. I knew a vole maid who once ransacked my infirmary to learn all the ingredients within.

I do not know The Black Widow of Bastion.?[/b]

I'm mildly intrigued, but more confused by this exchange. She's asking him to shelter her, and this is his response? Do they somehow have a history? Then there's a few odd sentences about a ladder of nettles and someone healing her wounds, but there's no clear connection in my mind. Similar to the "riddle" at the end of your last chapter, this left me going, "Wait, huh?"

And you'll see the ring if any talk of red bricks reaches me.

I'm guessing this will be explained soon. I hope so, because I was more confused than intrigued by the way this was laid out.

There was a fair amount of mystery and intrigue in this chapter. Most of it was done well and some of it was not my favorite. I thoroughly enjoy the writing style, the descriptions, and a thorough look into what Adeen is thinking and feeling without overdoing it. Nice set-up for what is to come in the future and I look forward to seeing if she learns to keep her passion in check, as Kentrith seems able to do.

[Crue Sarish]

Thanks, Thrayjen! I'm no Matra or Tooley, but I hope I might have one or two nuggets that people might be able to draw out of my ramblings :) I've also been a little out of practice in being critical, so this contest has been a good way (both in writing and reviewing) to try and get myself to think of what I like/dislike and why.

I'm bound and determined to get through these! No Minecraft until I have done so.

[Crue Sarish]

"Tectonic" - Aldridge Moor

In the last episode: In an effort to rescue Komi from the clutches of the evil Nix, he starts a battle that is quickly finished by the invading force. Strapped to the top of a wagon, the stoat is shipped off amidst other slaves to the Crater.

Ah, two+ weeks is how long they were on the road (additional time for picking up Adeen, etc.). Listening to his thoughts on Adeen is not out of character, which I appreciate. He's been established as a beast who notices things, who reads other beasts at a glance. Still, that third paragraph ran a bit lengthy, more of a shopping list than a smooth explanation.

Blacksmith Ulrich grew frustrated with this and hurled a length of the chain attached to him and nine other villagers into the fire.

I'm curious how this worked. Did putting part of the chain in the fire somehow heat the rest? Did they form some sort of circle or dog-pile around/on it?

Nix is surprisingly accommodating in this chapter. Is it just that after several weeks of travel, all she wants to do is be done with this and gives the slaves a treat so they'll leave her alone? This doesn't paint her as the cruel, stern slavemaster she's been painted as earlier. I wouldn't dock points for that persay, as she's a shared character and I would assume other members of the cast are okay with this development.

Well done on the scene with Nire and the vicious slaves. This is the showbeast so pleased with himself and his collection. The word play is fantastic, and I particularly enjoyed "The miniature malicious murder mouse, Foxglove Aera!? (*brain kicks in* Oh.... right... young Aera... :( )

In his youth, he had served under a very different master in a very different place. All sorts of odd cultures had washed up on their shores or worked their way through the populace. One set of teachings had stuck with him since he had first encountered them, all that time ago.

He sat, crossed his legs, emptied his mind, and began to breathe.

A refreshing hint into his past. It kind of sounds like he might have been a slave at another point in his life, or he could have been apprenticed to a particular someone. He's experienced at least bits and pieces of other cultures. I'll have to go back and see if this was at all mentioned earlier, because it sounds like I've written this before. Stupid brain not remembering exact details I read a week ago.... Anyway, Aldridge's calm is a good contrast to Adeen's stressed nature in the last chapter. Also, she probably wouldn't recognize meditation, so it's easy for her to speculate on what he's doing and why without having necessary information to make that kind of judgement.

*looks at scroll bar on the side to see how much more there is* Oh dear... Another 8k post... Best to just trudge on.

Clamped down and being carved up by one of the old Southern Horde's most brutal torturers...

Oh.... Hmm...

Interesting encounter with the strange torture-beast. Similar to the songs and poems that might arise from other chapters, this free verse was different, but not out of place. The hurried thoughts of a fearful beast, mind trying to comprehend the horror before it, completed thoughts a distant memory. I like it.

He looked up to see the marteness from before, a look on her face somewhere around resignation.

You mean Nix? Felt out of place to hear this after she was just there.

After the scene with Aldridge testing the bow in front of Nix and Nire, there's a bunch of fluff. Hi, Ulrich and metal stuff. Hi, fighters. Hi, ferret. Teachers teach. Stuff. Everything between testing the bows to finally meeting up with Aera felt unnecessary. He goes places and sees people and notices stuff, but none of it felt like it developed him as a character or added a whole lot to the story or setting. It's nice to see that Ulrich at least has something to do, even if he's not the hopeful beast he once was, and yah, Aldridge can fight, but... okay. If I didn't have so much left to read, I might have found a way to savor it, but not now.

Where the poem worked earlier, the one at the end didn't. The meeting with Aera was brief and didn't have the impact it could otherwise have had, and the last few lines felt like you were trying to write a poem, but it just ended up being prose put into different lines.

All in all, it was a decent chapter. Still very long and could have been cut down by quite a bit. I hold my own writing close to my heart, so I know how much each scene can feel so wonderful and beautiful and necessary, but I spotted 1500 words that could have just been slashed and it would have tightened up the chapter.

I'm still curious about Aldridge. Characters that have that quiet rage tend to pique my interest. What is he plotting as he's observing all these details? Is he forming a plan of some sort, or is he trying to keep his head on straight and just survive for the time being?

[Crue Sarish]

It is now 9pm and tomorrow is voting day. I have 9 posts left to look at. May have to rush the job just a little bit.

"Virtue and Terror" - Silas Hetherton

In the last episode: Our hardworking rat takes odd jobs and keeps his ears perked for signs of the ba... dastardly Blasio. Upon hearing of the beaver's whereabouts, Silas goes on his own "mission impossible," waiting for the time to strike, only to screw it up at the very end.

I liked the initial exchange with Nire. It was to the point, his actions were acknowledged by Nire, and the lynx had a small opportunity not only to gloat, but to size Silas up a little.

Adeen sure does get around. Scribe, washmaid, messenger, assassin... Lots of opportunities for her to make friends. That was a kind thing she did for Silas. Will the rat feel obliged to return the favor at some point?

To be honest, I don't have a whole lot to say. This chapter was refreshingly brief and successfully navigated Silas from point A to point B. He's still recovering, he's being added to the ranks of slaves, he's getting a view of what his fate will be, and he's determined to meet it head on with his eyes wide open. The writing is concise, enjoyable, and the fight at the end was properly vicious and disturbing. Well done.

[Crue Sarish]

"Desperation and Inspiration" - Komi Banton

In the last episode: Komi once again runs into precisely the beasts she's hoping to avoid, ones who know who she is and what she's done and have the power to make her answer for it. Taken in by a village of kind beasts, our angry ball of fur's mad dash did not carry her far enough and she is once again found and this time there's no escape.

The dream/flashback served to add to what was mentioned in previous chapters, that Komi lost someone dear at the battle of Redwall (Galleran?), and the fact that her past is back to bite her probably means that her nightmares are even worse, especially without her previous forms of self-comfort.

Aren't there separate slave areas for male and female beasts? Did I read that wrong earlier? If not, how is Aldridge in the pen next to Komi? At any rate, their conversation begs the question: did Aldridge's departure from whatever directly lead to the death of the person Komi was so desperately searching for?

Komi is a character nearing a crisis, a breaking point and I'm curious to see what she does when it happens.

I like how you have Komi training, regaining that fighting edge, but don't feel the need to describe her prowess as a warrior. We know she was a soldier, and the narrator is, in a sense, reminding her of that more than the audience. In between the nights of dreadful nightmares, she's still thinking, still planning, considering what she can do with what she has. I admire that foresight.

She feared the night alone and what came from her own head that she had no control over.

This is an insightful and honest sentence, and now I relate just a tiny bit more to Komi. I don't have horrendous nightmares or have fought in terrible battles, but I've had enough times where my brain conspires against me, where I can't sleep because of dark and negative thoughts that I can't shut off. Whispers that make me feel alone, worthless, and hopeless. It doesn't happen all the time, but it gives me a glimpse into what people with severe anxiety and depression feel on any given day. Komi is going to need something strong to help her hold on to hope or someone to drag her out of the muck and mire of her own memories, possibly both.

Good description of the other exotic beasts that Nire keeps in his collection. I've enjoyed getting pieces of what the Crater looks like from all the different beasts, and this is no exception. It's kept concise, but impactful.

So, this is the first inkling of an actual plan of escape that's popped up. It makes sense, as not many other beasts have had the chance to do much exploring and others believe that the feat is impossible. I look forward to seeing if anyone gets roped into her planning or if she will consider her next moves alone.

Could make for an interesting death post as well.

[Crue Sarish]

"Haunted" - Kentrith Hapley

In the last episode: Kenrith visits his older brother, gets a grab bag of herby goodness, apologizes for being an absent brother, and says what might be his final goodbyes. He then re-enters the Crater, putting his good name aside and reclaiming his former moniker of "The Crane."

Much stronger start, picking up nicely from where he was left with Komi walking away from him. It's good to see he has a measure of confidence in his position within the Crater. He knows Hargorn can't touch him without provocation and vice-versa, but he's not going to let the weasel's insult go unanswered.

Still a few SPAG errors at the beginning. Also, as much as Hargorn speaks with an accent, I would advice using fewer apostrophes. It's easy to go overboard with those, and turning the dial down on the accent just a tad makes it more readable.

It's interesting that it's Aldridge who attacked him, the stoat who's determined not to kill. Could he be buddying up to Kentrith, trying to make a powerful friend. It makes sense that he'd be displeased with his "murder weapon," but now I'm imagining him in the arena, defending himself with silver spoons he's drawing out of his coat one by one... It's late. Don't judge me.

Oh, that makes sense. Aldridge is defending Komi and showing how broken he in in his own way. He's willing to drop the pacifist act because she was threatened. Kentrith doesn't know the extent of Aldridge's passion, but it's kind of him to give the stoat potentially life-saving advice. He may no longer be a healer, but that doesn't mean he wants beasts to die needlessly, especially those who are just trying to do what's right.

A face immediately popped into his head. One he had tried to expunge, one which refused to be forgotten. Rage and loathing pounded through him, and he mentally stamped it down into the lock-box it had burst from.

Is this a mini-flashback within a flashback?

A little lengthy, but the flashback did establish some more backstory as well as add to the internal conflict that Kentrith both felt then and still feels.

He feels similar feelings toward visiting Marik as he did visiting his own brother.... Oh... because Marik was like family.

And now we get to the heart of the matter! Lovely, lovely! It's great to see what Kentrith is fighting for, what stakes are on the line, and in very short but no uncertain terms, states how he's going to do it.

And Adeen still gets around! Sneaky vole with her sneakery. Kentrith can't afford to have anything happen to Marik, and considering he just revealed his plan to the lad, he can't abide someone potentially going in looking for information.

A much improved Kentrith, I will say. Thank you for the hard work you've put into this.

[Crue Sarish]

Alright, last big push!

"Entry of the Gladiators" - Kali

In the last episode: Our lovely winged fox/rat uses her unending charm and a frightening level of persistence to worm her way into a position in Nire's employment... and collection. In a dramatic turn of events, we left our young bard facing the pointy end of a knife coming right for her!

Well, that escalated quickly! I loved the introduction, but the only thing I'm confused by is if she was dreaming the whole time or if she fainted again halfway through her tirade? It's hard to tell just which one it is and that's a touch rough to lead with for my taste.... Oh, so it was just a dream. In that case it was a bit of a jarring transition to have her pick up right where she left off and suddenly it's a week later. A clever idea, but it ended up a little confusing.

Later, in the underworks of the arena?

That transition didn't fit. If this was a comic book, perhaps, but not now.

If Kali was hurt it was only momentary.

Well, was she hurt or wasn't she? How would the narrator not know?

?Wait! You?re lute! I can hold onto it for? and you are already gone.? The bat, already walking up the stairs doesn?t see Aldridge shake his head and say, ?What is a creature like that doing working for a beast like Nire??

While your last posts had a fairly consistent point of view that was tight on the character, this one wavered a bit. We're focused on Kali, and yet we still hear Aldridge talking after she's gone. Also, for one of the first times, it seems like interaction between characters is a touch forced. It made sense that she might go see Aldridge, a woodworker, but what was accomplished by them wandering in the tunnels? If Aldridge had merely offered to look for Droven or had gone of to look for her himself, Kali could have done something else. It felt more as a way to fill time and also an opportunity for her to walk in some tunnels.

Now, contrary to the criticism, I'm enjoying this chapter overall. I absolutely loved the scene where Kali, not to be left out by Baxter, tries her hardest to sing and is inadvertently humiliated. It's touching that Baxter picks up on the fact that she was actually trying to sing, and while that even could have driven the two apart further, it was also a chance for Floofy to see another side of her.

Wiping her wing across her eyes Kali turned to the fox with a forced smile, ?I got to finish a song for once. No rotten fruit thrown at my head, no beasts running me off. I finished a song. This is the best moment of my career, this is. So, don?t you ruin it by feeling sorry for me.?

Without her staring at herself in a mirror or through some other motion of self-comfort, this is one of the first cracks in her armor that we see. She's trying to hard to be positive and doesn't want Baxter's pity, but it's like a smile that doesn't quite reach the eyes.

The upcoming fight provides an outlet for the emotions she's feeling, so it makes sense that she's caught up in the spectacle she's never seen before. As a part of Nire's team, she gets to be a part of bringing this frenzied joy to all the attending beasts, and it gives her a sense of pride, building up her expectations nicely as the show commences. The set-up is great, and even though we, the audience, can see what is coming, the image of the look on Kali's face when she gets her first glimpse of what really happens at the Crater is priceless.

As one last small criticism, I have to agree that using bold to add emphasis is a little distracting. Your writing doesn't have to be the same as everyone else, but formatting changes are even more obvious than the differences between authors' voices.

You've tried some things out, possibly to differentiate yourself from the other authors and possibly because of the style of writing you're accustomed to. You have more leeway when you're writing your own material, and I would advise a bit of caution in trying out certain stylistic approaches to your writing, especially if the reader may see them as visually disruptive.

[Crue Sarish]

"Business for a Busy Beast" - Sly Speakeasy

In the last episode: Our frequently inebriated vole, forced to scrub floors, sweep floors, and overall look at a lot of floors visits a nearby pub, drinks himself a little bit further into debt, and tries his hand at smooth-talking a pint out of the beaverfiend Blasio. Embarrassed by the food aficionado, Sly gets one last jab in before running into Kentigern MacRaff and seeing his luck possibly change for the better.

Starts off good with Sly perhaps making a few pennies. I once thought about writing a story where the characters worked as hard as they could to do as little as they possibly had to. I never thought out any details, and yet here is Sly, trying his best to be as lazy as possible.

But, alas, he procured the coins and placed them into Sly?s grasping paws.

"But, alas" doesn't fit here. I'm not a huge fan of sentences starting with "but" or "and" (with exceptions, of course), but the use of "alas" is off. It's like we're supposed to pity the wildcat more than be proud of Sly's slyness. Ah, but the next use of it when Sly is talking is fine if repetitive.

I enjoy the fact that Sly is seeing and interacting with a population of the Crater that other beasts might avoid or find distasteful. Sly's comfortable around the drunk, the gamblers, and beasts of a less than sterling reputation. A fun detail that Copper deals primarily in, well, copper.

I'm curious why Sly would pay the two slavebeasts for information that he pretty much already knew. It seems wasteful for him to ask a question like "Does the Beheader really behead beasts?" when he's been in the Crater long enough to know what kind of beasts rise to become headliners.

Overall, along with a few grammar and structure errors, while I like Sly's devil-may-care approach to the world, this chapter didn't seem to do a whole lot. It was him betting and running around and making a fool of himself. If this came after Kentigern's chapter and we were able to see his reaction to the win/loss, it would have been much more impactful. Sly's failures have been small in this story so far. How does he react when he loses everything or suddenly gets a leg to stand on?

I also don't know what he's doing in this story yet. I imagine he wants to get out of the Crater, but is that it? He's not a beast to look much beyond his next drink, but it's hard to tell if the author is doing much more. His wit and snark are still his best selling point. Give him a direction and a purpose and he'll stand a better chance of staying alive.

[Crue Sarish]

"Don't Lose Your Head" - Kentigern MacRaff

(Now I want to watch the 1993 version of The Three Musketeers. There's a scene where a peacock of a man looks at D'artagnan, who's under a guillotine and states, "D'artagnan... don't lose your head!" Nothing unique about it, but that's where my mind goes.) Good title, playing off the information we were given in the last chapter.

In the last episode: Upon hearing that the only child of an old friend is held captive at the Crater, our Highland Hare goes undercover. Signing a contract with Nire, he neglected to look at the fine print. The unhappy Kentigern is now forced to work alongside the vermin he hates so much or become a slave.

It makes sense what Minerva and Kentigern are discussing, but the line of questioning/responses feels a bit sterile. A line of predictable responses. I know the characters haven't met, but I didn't feel a lot of life behind the conversation.

On the other hand:

Minerva snapped, and smacked him over the head.

Thank you, Minerva, for doing what I'm sure some of us have been waiting for. Some beasts just need a good smack upside the head for their foolish actions, and Kent's had this coming.

Nice job bringing out the selfishness of Sly, who only brings this information to Kent because he's worried about his own hide. Then Kent's reactions to Thrayjen and Blue and in keeping with his previous actions, but properly muted in the face of what's to come. The hare doesn't have time to worry more than a little bit about fighting alongside the rat.

An exciting and easily visualized battle between Kent, Thrayjen, and the weasels. It's good that Kentigern listens to advice sometimes and I rooted for him as he took back ground. I can imagine the thoughts going through his head when his sure victory is turned on its head and he is now Raggabrash's punching bag. This sets up the next chapter wonderfully and I look forward to it.

Less dialogue heavy, we were able to see Kentigern act, and I found this chapter an improvement upon the last.

[Crue Sarish]

"Chest Out" - Thrayjen (an addition to last post's "Chin Up")

In the last episode: Komi was unable to run from her past, and Thrayjen was unable to hide from it as he's torn away from his new family. A captive of the Crater, he refuses to play Nire's game and become a prizefighter. On the contrary, he's determined to play the pacifist and rely on other beasts to keep him alive. Oh, and he's friends with Blue and Thrayjen hates him.

Finishing what Kentigern started, you continue to show that Thrayjen is a capable beast who's reluctantly getting the practice he's avoided for some time. You finished the fight well, not only showcasing our two heroes for the warriors they are and can be, but also allowing Thrayjen to stick to his guns and not murder the beasts who would not have shown the same courtesy. He goes even so far as to comfort the one, feeling bad for defending himself.

I get that Thrayjen doesn't want to fight, but he's occasionally being a bit of a drama queen over it.

?I?m sorry,? Thrayjen said, looking up to the sky and releasing a shaky sigh. ?I didn?t want to fight.?

A very woe-is-me reply to Kentigern's question. Could have easily have simply stated "I don't want to fight."

In contrast, I was surprised that Thrayjen's reaction to having a tooth dug out by a big knife didn't elicit more of a reaction. He cries out in pain and jumps back. Nerve endings, bleeding, gum damage, etc. Then the chapter continues with business as usual. Maybe I've just spent too much time at the dentist and am picky.

Nice follow-up, sending the duo off to duke it out over drinks. It's good to see the rat finally lose his cool and tell Kent what-for. He didn't have the opportunity to tell the hare his reasoning before, but by golly that high an mighty Highlander is going to hear now.

Sly comes in and breaks up the fight, not quite cutting the tension, which makes his appearance even more amusing. It makes sense that Kent would turn the drinking into a competition, and it was uncharacteristically generous of him to foot the bill. Probably going to regret it in the morning.

Interesting that the young Kali goes to a tavern for a pick-me up after the horrors she's seen that day. I wonder how long she was watching to be nigh petrified by this point. If her lute is cracked in half, how does she still have one string to play on. Maybe I'm visualizing this wrong, but it sounded like her instrument was DOA. At least she's able to relieve a little bit of stress by entertaining willing beasts. I like the fact that she is actually singing, but between her holding back and the fact that everyone seems plastered, it's easy to see why beasts don't mind her less than melodic tones.

?Don?t dwell on what?s behind you when what?s ahead is vastly more important,? the vole advised, and pushed another drink towards Thrayjen. Thrayjen looked at Sly, then at the drink, and then threw up on the floor.

?You?ll live,? Sly said with a wink.

Aside from being a good way to end the chapter, I'd say that Thrayjen should heed Sly's drunken advice. He's so worried about pleasing Nan that he's holding back too much. He had the opportunity to shine in the arena, and even if he still doesn't want to be violent, he needs to step up and be a fighter. What cause is he striving to? Mere survival isn't enough and I hope we see more about where he's going later.

[Crue Sarish]

"Still Standing" - Minerva

In the last episode: Minerva is captured along with her daughter, they travel to the Crater, and Nire uses the young otter pup as a bargaining chip to get the Monster of Mossflower Woods to comply.

And now we get to the Culling. I like the fact that Minerva is taking stock of what's going on around her, a realist who intends to do whatever's necessary to survive and take Fable out of that terrible place. An ottermaid who knows her way around dangerous objects, she is scholarly in her note-taking of what's going on in the arena. She looks for a way to make the best of an impossible situation and finds it.

I don't know if that whole scene was worth taking up nearly half of the post's word count, but we get to really see the state of things through Minerva's eyes. It was a touching moment when Silas brought word from Adeen, and a point in Minerva's favor that she saw when she needed help and actually let Silas do this favor for her.

A nice touch with Nire looking her way. It makes sense that he would use the papers as a distraction while he continued to control the show. He knows the pawns he has at his disposal and shows them off accordingly, saving the "heavy hitters" for just the right time.

Minerva's match was well done. Hammerpaw may have talked a touch too much, but when Minerva decided to act, she was all in. She was sure of herself, cool and calculated and unwavering in her steps. I like the fact that she's determined to put on a show, but not for Nire. Everyone would know what was going on, and even if some beasts figured it was part of the act, others would see the truth in her words. I wonder how much impact those words will have, though, on a people who relish in the vicious slaughter of slaves.

Her story in the Crater is now firmly established. No beast will question that she is the Monster, but how will that play out for Minerva. Will their adulation provide her with any advantage or only sink her further into the Crater's machinations?

[Crue Sarish]

"Death Follows Close Behind" - Komi Banton

In the last episode: Komi, deprived of her usual comforts, wrestles with the nightmares plaguing her both day and night. She gets a small look around the Crater and wonders if it's worth braving a den of scorpions to possibly escape through their cage to the outside world.

An escape attempt already? Ambitious, and not out of character.

I wish I had more to say, but I'm so tired and my brain has kind of shut down. I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter, seeing Komi go through this death defying procedure on the small hope that she might get out. We see the lengths that the stoat will go to secure her freedom, but she knows when she's beaten. To call out for help put her at her lowest, knowing that she couldn't let herself die.

The end actually dragged on (hehe) a little. Sure, she's next to Minerva and they share a length of chain, but what was the point in describing her getting more comfortable?

[Tooley Bostay]

Congratulations on getting all these out, Crue! Yer a trooper, that's for sure. I'm sure the cast are all super appreciative of your perspective and insight, and I know that I'm glad they have a second opinion to consider aside from my own.