Vizon's Character Avatars & Reviews

[Vizon]

Hey everybody! As you may or may not know, I like to create avatars for the top 30 as both a fun exercise for myself and as a sort of "congratulations for making the first cut" gift. I base the avatars on the apps, trying to match the character as best as I can. Sometimes the creator has a different idea of what their character might look like, and that's perfectly fine. If you are fortunate enough to make it into the contest as one of the top 10 and would like to keep and use your avatar for your profile, I do offer the contestants the opportunity to request changes (Examples of people who have done this previously are Keldon from MO2 and Crue Sarish and Tooley from MO3). That said, here are the first of my tiny pictures with tiny reviews...

...The Duelists



Elliot

What we learn about the character:
Elliot is good at sword fighting, and can use either paw (a la Inigo Montoya). Elliot can handle multiple assailants and is really agile/fast. Elliot names his weapons. Elliot thinks he is old, fat and lucky, and is not overconfident.

General thoughts:
I learned the most about Elliot from the final line. I appreciate that he is rattled by the encounter and not overly egotistical. I would have liked to have learned more about Elliot himself.



Fiyero

What we learn about the character:
Fiyero likes to brag and sing. Fiyero is generous towards his audiences. Fiyero is agile. Fiyero is confident. Fiyero loves being in the spotlight. Fiyero possibly has secrets/might be lying.

General thoughts:
Nice job bringing it full-circle and I like that it ends with a bit of a cliffhanger. Also has some great descriptive elements ("tankards full of amber broth"). Great character development that suits the category very well.

P.S. Please stop using "grit" in place of "gritted."  ;)



Maut

What we learn about the character:
Maut likes to reminisce. Maut is not the best shot with an arrow but is clever and an impressive fighter with the sword. Maut likes a challenge. Maut is a spy and a mercenary and has made enemies. Maut has a really sharp sword that can lop off big heads. Maut has a soft spot for his voiceless pet stoat friend.

General thoughts:
Definitely a lot of info to help build up the character. I wonder a lot about Veach – was he born this way? There's certainly more story implied. Maut himself seems a bit overpowering, but perhaps this is good for the situation ahead. Uncertain about the two-for-one deal.



Bihto Snowridge

What we learn about the character:
Bihto has come to Hafnaross, a place known for its fights, to make a name for himself. Bihto loves the fighting ring. Bihto has a scar along his eye, a twisted beak, and missing feathers. Bihto has good aim with his beak. Bihto loves a favoring audience. Bihto has strong wings that can box a cat unconscious.

General thoughts:
Bihto is fun to read and it makes me laugh to imagine the scene. I think the author was creative with the category. I think Bihto being a goose kind of undermines the seriousness of the app, though maybe it shouldn't. It would be very unusual to have a goose in the contest. I do wonder how he would get on with the other characters, picking fights here and there. As with Rynn, I imagine there will be several contestants with whom he would be wise not to pick fights.

[Vizon]

BERSERKERS:


Chitterfang the Wrigglekin

What we learn about the character:
Chitterfang is AKA The Wrigglekin and has made a legendary name for herself – a "storied monster." Chitterfang responds to song + creepy crawlers (little blessings). Chitterfang has red-gold fur, a leafweave bandolier, and is dense (physically or mentally?). Chitterfang makes friends with farmers. Chitterfang fights to save her friend and herself. Insects in her mouth inspire her berserker fury in unique ways, stirring up old memories and training. Chitterfang remembers a "him" in the midst of her berserker trip. Chitterfang tries to write down her fading memories but appears to be lost/unable to remember home. Chitterfang believes in burial to honor the dead as well as praying to "those below." Chitterfang wants "another chance."

General thoughts:
Kind of reminds me of Salazar in MO2 who was turned into a mindless berserker soldier upon sight of enemy symbols, yet could not remember any of it. There are a lot of mysterious tidbits in this app and I love the creative use of insects to inspire certain fighting moves (a la kung fu). The only thing that is hard to swallow (hur hur) for me is the lethal ability of a creature whose claws are so tiny and typically quite useless – whether these are the single claws of the wings or the tiny foot claws bats use to hang by. Unlike eagles, bats tend to attack with their mouths rather than talons. However, Chitterfang might have extra sharp, reinforced thumb claws, I suppose. She definitely knows how to utilize them to their most lethal extent!
[spoiler][/spoiler]



Elias Heatherpaw

What we learn about the character:
Elias loves his locket/wife and is bent on revenge. Elias is willing to disobey orders and lead others into danger to pursue his personal agenda. Elias finds revenge at the cost of his entire squad of loyal hares. Elias can spit far. And accurately.

General thoughts:
Did Elias actually kill his fellow hare soldiers? Well yes I suppose so – even if it was indirect, it is his fault. Elias has found his revenge, so now what? I expect he'll be exiled from Salamandastron for disobeying a direct order and leading 8 other hares to their deaths. Will he still reach the same level of berserker rage if the enemy is not his wife-killer, I wonder? Does she now inspire him to berserker-level violence via her ghostly voice?
I do love this line: "The forest had gone silent, as if even the insects dared not speak of what they saw."


Ilka

What we learn about the character:
Ilka does not like messy fur! Ilka is AKA "The Hellcat." Ilka is an infamous killer for hire. Ilka is a beast-slayer, not a beast-finder. Ilka has an inkling that killing children is not good. Ilka is an atheist, believing there is a great Nothing (or maybe she's like Gmork?). Ilka is either looking for redemption or is simply looking for someone who cares enough to guide her to a worthwhile target.

General thoughts:
Ilka is cool, but not very deep. She is effective, but has a very weak belief system/purpose. She could go far, work towards some form of redemption (if she's ever sorry for all the bloodshed), or she could remain shallow and effective, a weapon to be pointed at the suneater. I could see her going either way.
[spoiler][/spoiler]

[Vizon]

Will add the avatars as I finish them, but going to move forward with reviews for the sake of time.


SCHEMERS:


Elsabeth van Riften

What we learn about the character:
Elsabeth likes to cook the books. Elsabeth prefers to be called Lady van Riften. Elsabeth has a flabby stomach. Elsabeth would probably use violence in a pinch but is more of an intellectual. Elsabeth is proud. Elsabeth is educated. Elsabeth does not want to accept her family's descent into ruin/is searching for wealth.

General thoughts:
Can't say Elsabeth is a terribly likeable character to me, but there is definitely potential for growth. The implication that her mother struck her in the past makes me wonder a little about her family relationships. She may be good at Ponzi schemes, but I'm not sure how that will translate to outsmarting the Suneater. I'm sure she'll figure something out if she gets in though.


Lucan

What we learn about the character:
Lucan is a teenage mouse from Redwall. Lucan has a ghost puppet he uses to fool/scare others. Lucan stole bedsheets. Lucan is good with a slingshot. Lucan pilfers. Lucan wants to be a great warrior like the fabled Martin, Matthias, and Mattimeo.

General thoughts:
Very traditional aim. I appreciate the author's deconstruction of the tricks Lucan employs and that the explanations are seeded throughout the latter half of the app as opposed to being lumped all together in an obvious telling. I have to wonder from the line

Lucan had thrown a pawful of flour at his friend, right next to the open oven door. Who knew that fire and flour reacted so?"

whether Lucan actually brought harm to his friend. Perhaps this careless act fed the negative perception of his character at the Abbey. Or perhaps it was his thievery and tricks. This character sounds interesting, but I have trouble believing that he can maintain a similar level of cleverness in the midst of battle, or that Mekai would hire such a youth. He will definitely need to come up with more advanced tricks.


Merrill

What we learn about the character:
Merrill is a miner? Merrill has a flammable reputation. Merrill chews mint. Merrill is an exile, banished from her village. Merrill knows how to find gold. Merrill's mate's "gifts" burned many homes in a village. Merrill seeks to make amends. Merrill is labeled a tricky witch. Merrill's mate couldn't control their "spells"/powders. Merrill's mate was an elegant, minty hedgelady.


General thoughts:
The imagery is interesting. I like that Merrill still cares about the village, in spite of being banished (and who knows what happened to her mate who caused the arsen?). I'm glad that she is not eager to kill even the accusing otter. I am curious about the science of the powders.

[Vizon]

SEAFARERS



Bise

What we learn about the character:
Bise was recruited/sold to the Pheasant's Plume by another contractor ferret named Splitshank who "won" her from her old boss (Flora?) who owes a hefty debt. Bise has self-control. Bise has a scarf that reminds her of her servitude. Bise is trying to prove her worth to a captain she seems to loathe. Bise has belongings. Bise appreciates a pretty view. Bise is not free.

General thoughts:
I want to like Bise, but I feel like I still know very little about her. Can she fight? She seems to be rolling with the punches at the moment. She would be useful as a lookout, but is in need of some serious development beyond "she resents Splitshank, Captain Dregg, and maybe Flora."



Dawl Dredgemast

What we learn about the character:
Dawl has inherited his family's fishing boat/ship and feels the heavy weight of responsibility. Dawl thinks his sister is irresponsible. Dawl is big for his age and has scars on his forearms and paws from fishing/pearl hunting. Dawl has been laboring on the docks to support himself and his sister. Dawl thinks of his 14-year-old sister as a child. Dawl does not seem to have the stomach for bloodshed. Dawl's parents are lost. The only thing that matters to Dawl is keeping his sister safe.

General thoughts:
A sea otter with scars on his paws and forearms who sails the seas and uses a nickname which irritates his sole companion... sounds... familiar (yar har har). Dawl is a far cry from Chak Ku'rill in all other ways, however, so it's fine. No copyright infringement here. Dawl seems a decent fellow, though his sister is kind of overly emotional. Maybe she's just having a bad day though. And they are both struggling with the "loss" of their parents. I'd be interested to know what happened to them.

P.S. Thank you for using "gritted" instead of "grit"


Novak

What we learn about the character:
Novak is a new captain. Novak has qualms about killing sea lions, but is willing to do what it takes to pay his crew and earn his new title. Novak utilizes rose oil to waterproof his fur and disguise his scent. Novak has been taught not to ask questions. Novak has not killed a pup before. Novak is surprised when the pup speaks, having thought them unintelligent "ferals" up til now. Novak is angry at his former captain's perceived deception.

General thoughts:
An intriguing tale of moral integrity. It is difficult to imagine that in a world where most animals do talk, Novak is surprised to find his prey has a voice, but perhaps he has been convinced that the sea lions are more like fish since they are shaped for swimming and live in the sea. I mean even Redwallers don't have qualms eating fish. Novak will have a lot of blood on his paws to try to wash clean, me thinks.

[Hethrin]

Omg...that pic of Lucan's ghost is the cutest thing ever!

[Vizon]

HUNTERS:


Ashtad

What we learn about the character:
Ashtad does not like to be intruded upon. Ashtad is civil. Ashtad only needs to eat once a month. Ashtad prefers to devour lawless criminals. Ashtad likes his comforts. Ashtad reads books. Ashtad is assertive (authoritative?). Ashtad is willing to listen to criticism, but will not be taken lightly. Ashtad seeks justice (as judge & jury).

General thoughts:
Ashtad is a force to be reckoned with, but also smart (which will probably end up being more important than strength against a foe like the sun eater). I like the subverted expectation of an adder being civilized, but wonder how he would fare in a battle/melee. I also wonder what he might do when he grows hungry if there are no criminals around to eat. Knowing what we know about Ashtad enjoying his comforts and having control of a situation, I do wonder what might incite him to answer Mekai's petition, as that would seem pretty far out of his comfort zone. Justice, I suppose!


Kew-Kew

What we learn about the character:
Kew-Kew is "horrific." He has a black mask like a ferret, but his arms and tail are bare. Kew-Kew is muscular. Kew-Kew wears a skirt of feathers and carries a spear. Kew-Kew has a limited vocabulary. Kew-Kew doesn't like the taste of mice, but will eat eagles/eggs. Kew-Kew is considerate of non-eagles. Kew-Kew is proud of his abilities (able to set traps). Kew-Kew thinks he is smart. A big eagle killed Kew-Kew's mother. Kew-Kew thinks he is an eagle. Kew-Kew has no social boundaries.

General thoughts:
Kew-Kew is a really fun app and character to read. I do wonder, if Kew-Kew remembers his mother being killed by an eagle, surly he must know she was not an eagle - unless he was raised by an eagle himself (who was killed by a bigger eagle). Kew-Kew is strange, and although he kind or reminds me of Tarzan, I would enjoy reading more, as he is very entertaining.

P.S. I do think the plural of "footpaw" is probably "footpaws" not "feetpaw(s)"



Old One

What we learn about the character:
Old One came down from the Arctic. Old One...is old. Old One used to hunt "Great Horned Ones." Old One considers himself a "true predator," and values easy prey. Old One is unfamiliar with local beasts. Old One likes to sing, but cannot hear the notes.

General thoughts:
Well written. I liked that at first you think he can't hear the rat because the rat's throat has been pierced, but then you finally learn indirectly that he is, in fact, deaf. I think Old One could give the Sun Eater a run for his money, but would be a dangerous companion since he has no qualms about eating sentient beasts. Perhaps this would change if he makes it into the story, but he'd have to reform pretty quick!

[Zevka]

"I do wonder, if Kew-Kew remembers his mother being killed by an eagle, surly he must know she was not an eagle"

Kew Kew's logic does not resemble our Earth logic.

[Vizon]

Kew Kew's logic does not resemble our Earth logic.

Ha ha - that's true. He could just be crazy. But maybe he's really not.

[Vizon]

GUARDIANS:


Priideep

What we learn about the character:
Priideep is camouflaged. Priideep speaks a frog language. Priideep is "keeper" of the tribe nursery. Priideep has fought many creatures. Priideep has assistants. Priideep understands woodlander language. Priideep is not prepared to fight pollution. Priideep cares about the tadpoles.

General thoughts:
Priideep is an interesting character and I enjoyed reading through the app each time I did. I wouldn't expect to feel very moved by a frog in general, and I wouldn't normally consider them emotional either (let alone maternal), but I connect well enough with Priideep and find her surprisingly sympathetic. I really want to know more about what happens next.



Shahin

What we learn about the character:
Shahin does not consider stealing from the dead a crime. Shahin is a history buff and collector. Shahin likes (loves?) his childhood friend, Eti, but uses their friendship to wriggle out of consequences at the cost of her job. Shahin knows his way around the crypt. Shahin is penitent, but also bold towards Eti. Shahin is persuasive.

General thoughts:
Shahin plays well off of Etienne, but I wonder how persuasive/slick he would be with others. I was a little disappointed at how emotionally unbalanced Eti was, as she was seemingly a strong female lead at first (a guard, in fact – the app could almost be about her). I have to trust that she is not typically this emotional and Shahin, as a longtime friend, is extra special. But even then, her transition from "I am this close to cutting your throat, graverobber!" to "*sob* Yes, I will run away with you, my love!" is jarring to me. But the app is about Shahin, not Etienne, so... maybe she won't have to come along for the ride. :P
Shahin can just leave Eti behind in town while he takes the job. I'm not all that certain he is so committed to her anyway, in spite of his promises. He seems more in love with historical artifacts.


Sheercrest

What we learn about the character:
Sheercrest is practical about her environment. Sheercrest cares about Bray the mouse and has promised not to eat him. Sheercrest feels guilty about the deaths of Bray's family, who were devoured. Sheercrest is determined to protect Bray at all costs.

General thoughts:
I have to wonder what Sheercrest eats. I mean... really - what does she eat? Especially if she's tied to Bray constantly. Maybe she just eats scones and biscuits that she steals? Buys?
I do not see how Bray can possibly end up in the warrior mix though. Especially if Sheercrest is trying to keep him safe. So I find it unlikely he will survive if Sheercrest makes it into the contest. And if he is gone, Sheercrset will be even more guilt-wracked and even more eager to defend the helpless (like Nest, perhaps?). I suspect the biggest difference between Sheercrest and Priideep (both failing to protect their young and helpless charges) might be species – and perhaps level of guilt. It would be nice to know whether she actually did eat Bray's family or not.

[Matra Hammer]

Gotta love the Dawl avatar. Anybody who has had a sibling before knows his face and has made it a number of times. Excellent work so far.

[Vizon]

MARKSMEN:


Flauros

What we learn about the character:
Flauros drinks during public executions. Flauros is critical. Flauros is bold, opinionated, and intervening. Flauros is a fatalist. Flauros is not good at remembering names. Flauros considers himself a lowly ruffian. Flauros's ideals can be easily mitigated by money? Flauros uses knives.

General thoughts:
The author weaves "Fate" thoroughly into the app, making a clear connection to the story/prologue. At first I was annoyed that the app built up the "Fate" angle so much only to turn around and undo it all when Flauros changes his tune at the drop of a coin (or six coins, rather). But upon a second read, I realize that the outcome is actually not clear – nor is Flauros's true aim. Was it actually the prisoner? Might the brilliant marksman actually aim at the bonds tying poor Cordy (AKA Curly/Cuffey) to the stake instead? Possibly. Though if he believes in Fate and that Fate has already decided Cordy should not die and intends to release him as a result – why then does he up the ante?


Siler

What we learn about the character:
Siler works best in the dark. Siler knows how to write but hates writing in the dark. Siler will do almost anything for money. Siler has great aim with a crossbow. Siler plays with his prey. Siler keeps his bow in his cape. Siler has loose morals.

General thoughts:
Siler is an unsavory character. He has no qualms about killing and, in spite of wanting to get out of the rain, drug out the encounter with his former friend for...reasons? A lot is unclear and even though I usually enjoy gritty characters, I like to glimpse at least a few redemptive qualities. Siler might be a good secondary villain for the story.


Unga Underbite

What we learn about the character:
Unga talks a lot. Unga laughs and enjoys a good time. Unga is charitable towards younger beasts, even amidst treachery. Unga likes to give advice. Unga has a good sense of humor. Unga uses an atlatl with darts. Unga considers herself quite effective. Unga resists killing unnecessarily. Unga remembers her tribe being "well-mannered." 

General thoughts:
I love Unga. I think she would be a really fun character to follow/write with and she holds a lot of promise.

[Vizon]

BRIGANDS:


Antonia St. Myra

What we learn about the character:
Antonia is a straw-brown mousemaid with a torn and charred tunic and..."scapular" (had to look that one up). Antonia has a "company" (she is not alone)! Antonaia is a great fighter and a very strong mouse. Antonia was sentenced to the nunnery at Blackridge. Antonia is confident she will get away with murder.

General thoughts:
Love the fight scene. I think it's very well-written and far more believable than Elliot's (my opinion). She's a clever, quick-witted swashbuckler with a ready quip. I think she is supposed to be the righteous villain like Robin Hood, sticking up for the oppressed, but to me she comes off as far too judgmental. Kind of like how people used to be killed for theft. The punishment does not seem to fit the crime. I mean sure Lord Briar Haversham (hello "Little Orphan Annie" reference!) is a turd for what he did to his daughter. He's greedy and patriarchal, but...he still has a pet name for his daughter which indicates he cares about her. What he did was send her off to a place full of single females when she wouldn't marry the guy he set up for her. He didn't try to kill her or sell her to slavers or something. So I think he does care about his daughter, even if he did send her away (most fathers care about their daughters). Does Philippa really want her father dead? I doubt it. But Antonia knows Philippa will support her and her company's efforts (whatever they might be now) if she inherits all his wealth. She acts like she's justified because of what he did to Philippa, but her actions are purely mercenary. Which is, perhaps, perfect for this category. I don't like her moral justifications, but I like her as a character.



Kiri

What we learn about the character:
Kiri paints her face/body to blend in/look younger. Kiri is snippy. Kiri wears a blade on her leg. Kiri is in charge (I think?) – or at least in charge of the ambush location. Kiri is quick. Kiri has a low, gravelly hissing voice. Kiri doesn't like conversing with victims.

General thoughts:
The author uses their words very liberally – many could have been cut/replaced with more developmental bits. I'm not sure painting her face is so important to her character – it could have been mentioned much more briefly that she had painted her face to blend into the leaves. I do like the "share your lunch with the cart" line and "over before teatime." Otherwise though, there is not much about Kiri. Also... why "yore" instead of "your/you're?" It sounds the same to me...so why spell it differently?


Smooths

What we learn about the character:
Smooths is familiar with blood and death. Smooths wants to help his friend, but doesn't like how heavy/difficult it is to carry him. Smooths is "always bein' dragged outta scraps."

General thoughts:
Fun accent. Typical weasel character. He cares about his friend enough to try to carry him to a nearby town. It's sad that his friend dies.

[Vizon]

ASSASSINS:


Brother Hawthorn

What we learn about the character:
Hawthorn wears spectacles. (GRITTED, dang it! GRITTED!) Hawthorn is an Abbeybeast. Hawthorn is a competent healer. Hawthorn appears thoughtful/sympathetic. Hawthorn knows Bursoot is a newcomer just by his name. Hawthorn lives in a hovel. Hawthorn can recognize a military stance/is familiar with the military. Hawthorn has old ties with some sort of assassin's guild(?). Hawthorn is matter-of-fact about killing on command. Hawthorn regrets his wasted efforts to heal the hedgehog.

General thoughts:
My sister works at a vet clinic and showed me the surgery being done on her dog yesterday. They did exactly this:

he withdrew debris from the wound along with whatever unsalvageable flesh he found.

So I think Hawthorn's author knows what they're talkin' about. Also Hawthorn knows what he's doing.

Wet dripping and the tinny chorus of objects joining the Hawthorn's debris plate to Hawthorn's side punctuated the silence.

This could have been worded better.

Ashgrove can a little... unwelcoming to newcomers

Not that I don't understand what was trying to be said in these examples, but an app is supposed to be your best foot forward. The content of the writing is stellar and I love it. The grammar is a little disappointing. That said, I really dig this character and the writer's ability to spin an intriguing, well-rounded 600-word sample. If you get in, Brother Hawthorn, be sure to post your pre-post early enough to utilize your fellow contestants' SPAG checking abilities.


Robin Merriweather

What we learn about the character:
Robin Merriweather practices acting/deception in the mirror. Robin is very familiar with her knife and conceals it well. Robin knows how to dress up (stunning dress, ornate ring, drawing stares). Robin is a practiced poisoner. Robin has a backup plan (plan B). Robin has quick reactions to adapt to the situation at hand. Robin might not have a plan C.

General thoughts:
A well-written app aside from one line which seems to be missing a word:

She only needed one quick thrust to his kidneys, then dive out the nearest window.

Everyone makes grammatical mistakes on occasion though, and it's quite forgivable (I can even forgive Hawthorn, who made several). But again, these apps are supposed to represent your best, so one really should take the time to proofread before sending them in. Read it aloud, as Matra suggests. Show it to someone who is not going to take part in the contest.
Robin is sneaky and evidently a convincing actress. Her motives are hidden, however, as are any other qualities or personal history. I know very little about Robin except that she's a clever vixen assassin. I'm sure that the author can launch Robin well into the story and take her places we cannot even anticipate, as Elise did with her vixen character Vera in MO3.


Siobhan, Codename: The Mantis

What we learn about the character:
Siobhan is empathetic and helpful. She knows about healing wounds. Siobhan's dagger is an extension of herself. Siobhan has killed nine beasts so far (now ten) and remembers each name well. Siobhan was posing as a courier but is an assassin. Siobhan must leave her hometown after the vengeful (preventative?) act. Siobhan has been an assassin for four 4 seasons.

General thoughts:
Another well-written app sans one line:

mumbled thickly Arwydd.

Overall though, a very sympathetic assassin. She has a clear purpose and ability to connect to others in spite of her occupation. She remembers everyone she kills and the moments leading up to her assassination of Arwydd's husband were very well-written. I think Siobhan is the most sympathetic of the assassins, though I do wish her name weren't so difficult to pronounce/spell.

[Vizon]

WILDCARDS:


Rynn

What we learn about the character:
Rynn wants to leave (going south). Rynn can't stay in one place for more than a season. Rynn is in a hurry. All Rynn does is complain and fight. Beasts don't like Rynn. Rynn is sick of everything. Rynn punches her friends in the face when they annoy her/make her mad. Rynn wanted to help some desperate beast and be useful for a change, but then it was all ruined (because Zali made her angry). Rynn burns bridges.

General thoughts:
Lookin' at one small SPAG error:

eyes so hot they could have melt steel.

Could have been worse. This app feels like a stream-of-consciousness exercise. Maybe one of the 30-minute timer challenges? It is a bit confusing. Zali calls Rynn "an ornery old hag" but she's only 23 seasons old. Still an insult is an insult, I suppose. Rynn wants to be useful. Well I suppose she would be if she makes it into the contest, but there are definitely beasts in the other categories that it would be suicide to punch in the face.



Seamus Blackquill

What we learn about the character:
Seamus comes from a beach-side villa. Seamus ends up in a bucket/crow's nest on a ship. Seamus gets terribly sea sick. Seamus feels like a tormented soul in Hell/Purgatory. Seamus sees white powder and instantly imagines opium. Smelling salts help Seamus's sickness. Seamus is going mad without his books. Seamus is manipulative and perceptive (when his senses have been sharpened by smelling salts). Seamus is pleased with his own intelligence. 

General thoughts:
The first four lines threw me at first, but upon a second read, I recognize it as a clever segue between important moments in the past leading up to Seamus's current state (possibly to fit it all into a 600 word app). Well done. I like a lot of the descriptions in this app and would enjoy reading more by this writer. As a side note, it would be interesting to see Seamus matched up with Ashtad. They remind me of each other. Also – I'm kind of excited to see the reference to opium there. Ever since MO1 I've wanted to explore it as part of the Redwall world, but people did not like it back then (Yew Guards: Ben Slider). Man, I love the descriptions in this app. I think I am voting for this bird just for the pretty writing. I want more.



Zandir Firesage

What we learn about the character:
Zandir acts aloof, even if he is disturbed by what he sees. Zandir is an excellent warrior. Zandir is the Grand Sentinel. Zandir is weary of the stink of blood. Zandir is marked/carrys "the mark" so that "the rooted ones" will recognize him. The Old One is Zandir's grandmother! Zandir guards a treasure. Zandir has been the Sentinel for six seasons. Zandir wants to protect "The Chosen" by removing "The Burden" that all desire, but would destroy those who knew it's true nature. Zandir is gentle, but firm with his grandmother.

General thoughts:
Ooooh I like Zandir too. This was not an app that should have been listened to first, I think (but thank you all the same, Nara and Foxpen!). There are too many unfamiliar references and words, and it also opens in a confusing way. There is a MASSIVE amount of worldbuilding and epic adventure wrapped up in this application. A lot left unsaid, but also a lot conveyed. I am itching to know what this "Burden" is! I want Zandir to be on my side in a fight! That said, the opening dialog was very confusing. It is not easy to figure out that the main character is not actually one of the voices and is instead the subject of the speakers' conversation. Everything does become clear later, and especially after a second read. But again, not something you can easily follow when it's read aloud.
I am torn now because I really like this one and Seamus. I think Zandir's author offers skilled story-building while Seamus's author offers a very delicious serving of descriptive ability. Zandir's app is a story in and of itself and reads like the beginning journey of an epic hero. I think ultimately though, outside characters will fall into his story rather than him diving into their's. If Zandir enters this story, it might change/affect the whole story. Is that good or bad?

[Vizon]

Just a reminder before I launch into painting these last 12 avatars - if your character has not yet been illustrated, feel free to PM me with ideas/details if you want. Also if you are in the top 10 and I have already painted your character avatar and you would like a change in your avatar, feel free to PM me (from your character's account, of course).